Go Eat a Carrot Hummus

go eat a carrot hummus

Stick your Pretzel in this Nutritious Dip

Yum! Carrot Hummus. As I continue to create the Phallic Diet Cookbook the more interesting facts I find out the foods that I typically feature. For instance, the carrot. Turns out that cooked carrots are actually more nutritious than raw carrots. 

According to a 2008 study in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry boiling carrots until tender boosts the concentration of carotenoids by 14 percent. Carotenoids convert into Vitamin A, which not only helps our eye health (one that most of us already knew carrots helped with) but also improves and regenerates damaged collagen in our skin, and boosts our immune system. 

Why all this information?! Well, to justify why I cooked the carrots in this hummus recipe. Sure, it’s an extra step but isn’t it worth that 14% increase in nutrition? Plus, it makes it easier to get blended up.

Feel free to adjust the spices according to your own flavor profile and/or add whatever toppings you enjoy. I like to add spicy stuff to my dips so I blended up some chipotle + adobo sauce but that is kind of a pain in the ass, so sriracha works just as well.

Add nuts for some crunch and you got yourself a tasty (and pretty healthy) little snack. Would also be a hit at covid-friendly social distancing gathering, like a Big Game party, if you’re into that kind of thing. 

Go Eat a Carrot Hummus

What you Need:

Tools:

  • Blender
  • Saucepan
  • Stirring spoon 
  • Serving bowl

Consumables:

  • 2 tablespoons olive oil 
  • ½ pound carrots, chopped
  • Big pinch of kosher salt 
  • freshly ground pepper
  • 1 teaspoon cumin
  • 1 teaspoon smoked paprika
  • ½ teaspoon of cayenne
  • 1 15-ounce can chickpeas, drained
  • 4 garlic cloves, finely grated
  • ½ cup of water
  • ¼ cup natural smooth peanut butter

Optional Toppings:

  • Honey
  • Sriracha
  • Roasted peanuts
  • Olive Oil 

(One or some or all, depending on your personal desires)

+  Whatever you want to dip into this hummus. 

What You Do:

Heat 2 Tbsp. oil in a medium saucepan over medium. 

Add carrots, season with salt and pepper, and cook, stirring occasionally, until carrots are tender, 6–8 minutes. 

Add chickpeas and remaining spices; cook, stirring occasionally, until carrots are completely tender, about 5 minutes. 

Let cool slightly.

Transfer carrot mixture to a blender and add garlic, carrot juice, peanut butter, lemon juice, and 4 Tbsp. oil; blend until smooth. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Add toppings of your choice right before serving. 

You can eat it right away or let chill for a couple of hours and/or days.  

Great with pretzels or pita chips. 

Yum. 

Thanks for coming! For more Phallic Food Diet Recipes check out my Don’t Be a Dick Charred Eggplant Soup.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Listen to my latest interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits on the Chubstep Podcast here. 

Don’t be a Dick Charred Eggplant Soup

healthy eggplant soup

Char your tender eggplant and put in it in a blender!

This deliciously smooth soup will not only warm your soul but will help you overcome any negative energy from big dicks in your life.

Have you or someone you know been acting like a dick lately? Well, it’s time to get out the frustration by completely demolishing an eggplant in a sort of symbolic representation of what could happen if you (or someone you know) become too big of a dick. 

Big Dick Energy is way different than being a big dick. For example, BDE is all about confidence, assertiveness, compassion, whereas being a big dick is typically more about being an aggressive ego-maniac fuck boy–no body wants to be around that. 

Feed your soul and your mouth-hole with this charred eggplant soup and release anything (or anyone) that’s no longer serving you. 

Don’t Be a Dick Charred Eggplant Soup Recipe

What you Need:

  • 1 eggplant
  • 1 medium sized onion-diced
  • 6 cloves of garlic
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil 
  • Salt + Pepper + Cayenne (to taste)
  • 32 ounces of vegetable (or chicken) stock
  • Juice of half a lemon

What You Do:

  1. Char the F out of the Eggplant. Watch that Eggplant BURN!!!

First poke some holes with a paring knife in that eggplant, oohh yeah, fuck you eggplant.

Next, place stabbed eggplant on a baking sheet under hot broiler, about 2 inches from flame. 

Cook for 3 or 4 minutes, get that beautiful smooth purple skin all blackened and charred, then turn and cook on other side until eggplant has gone all soft (about 4 minutes more). 

Set aside and that that eggplant cool off. Once you can touch it again remove and discard skins and roughly chop eggplant flesh. (that’s right char and chop the shit out of that eggplant).

  1. Cook it ALL Up in a Pot

You can do this next part while eggplant is charring or while it’s cooling down. 

  • Add 2 tablespoons of olive oil into a (medium to large sized) pot over medium-high heat. 
  • Add onion, season generously with salt and pepper, and cook until softened and beginning to color, 5 to 7 minutes. 
  • Add garlic, cayenne and reserved eggplant and cook 1 more minute.
  • Finally add broth and bring to a brisk simmer. 
  • Reduce heat and simmer gently for 10 minutes. 
  • Be sure to check seasoning and adjust the salt accordingly.
  1. Blend That F-ing Eggplant and Stuff ALL UP!

Now the fun part! Stick the tinder eggplant in a blender! 

Or, in recipe speak: purée soup in batches in blender. But this is where you can really get out some frustrations with any BIG DICKS in your life. BLEND BLEND BLEND until it’s a fucking fine puree in which you can no longer tell that the eggplant ever existed.  

After all that blending, Strain the soup through fine-meshed sieve and discard solid debris and seeds. (There was way more debris than I had anticipated soooo just watch for that… ! This was also a major mess for me, but perhaps I am, just a messy person TBD). 

Anyhoo, once it’s strained add the juice of half of a lemon. Taste again, adding more lemon juice as necessary to your own palate preferences. 

  1. Pour in a Bowl and Eat

Yum! 

Thanks for coming!

Are you really into eggplant? Well, you’re in luck!

For more Phallic Food Diet Recipes check out Get Stuffed By an Italian Eggplant

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Listen to my latest interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits on the Chubstep Podcast here

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Will the Chronic Stresses from Covid Lead to Even More Death?

chronic stresses and covid

Is the stress of uncertainty as likely to cause mass death as the actual covid virus?

Chronic stresses from covid?! Okay, so I’m not trying to create any sort of fear-based click-bait bullshit but I read something interesting earlier today and I feel like I must share. 

As many of you know I’ve been working on the Phallic Food Diet cookbook and recipes. But what you may not know is that I also have been doing behind-the-scenes research on the entire food scene– our diets, our systems for acquiring food, the choices that we make when we decide what to eat, and how to have a more holistic healthy lifestyle.  All of this has been fascinating, and I know, you’re now wondering, how this is related to the pandemic? 

chronic stresses and covid
To namaste or to not nama-go that is the question…

Well, recently, I’ve been reading a book by Deepak Chopra, called, What Are You Hungry For? In it he talks about how mindfulness and awareness are the most important elements when it comes to weight. This makes sense, when we listen to the body, like really listen, we know what it needs or when we’ve consumed too much etc. But, most importantly, STRESS plays a major role in our overall holistic health– this I suppose is pretty obvious. But chronic stress, that which may be even low-grade, almost like a daily hum that you have ignored or found distractions from, could actually kill you over time. He discusses how there are three main factors that lead to a chronic imbalance:

  • repetition
  • unpredictability
  • and lack of control

Check this out, he goes on to talk about these factors in example form:

“In one classic laboratory experiment in animal behavior, mice were placed on a metal grid that administered a mild shock, not enough to harm them but enough to jolt them. The shocks were administered at random, and the mice could not run away. Thus the three worst factors–repetition, unpredictability, and lack of control were all present. 

Even though the shocks, considered one at a time, were harmless, the mice quickly declined and died. Their bodies’ ability to return to homeostasis had been exhausted. Unable to adapt, they shut down completely. The lesson seems clear: low-level stress appears to be harmless, but under the wrong conditions it leads to a breakdown of your ability to adapt.” 

Could we be the mice and covid-19 the electric shock? It feels almost like an exact parallel. We’re all afraid that we could get zapped with this deadly virus at anytime, the virus is unpredictable and with it, our society mirrors that unpredictability with all of these constant changings in lifestyle, business practices, healthcare etc. And we are definitely not in control about any of this. 

So, what do we do then? Seems like perhaps this is a classic, “adapt or die” type of situation. 

What do the chronic stresses from covid look like? How many of us are stress eating? Drinking excessively to numb out? Avoiding? Deflecting? Crying out of the blue for no “apparent” reason? Experiencing terrible sleep patterns? Being irritable? Depressed? Angry? I personally have cycled through all of these things (and found peace and then cycled through again). 

What’s the solution for chronic stresses from covid?

I’m not an expert, but my guess is that we need to learn how to better ride the waves of chaos.

I’m sure things like meditation and yoga and walks around the block help. Perhaps reading books and articles on mindfulness, spiritual enlightenment, death acceptance would also be good. Also, turning off the news, stepping away from the phone, big time game changers. And we def need to work on maintaining social interactions, even if they’re not as touching as we’d like them to be at the moment. 

I have tried all of the above and my mental health does feel much improved, I feel lighter, less prone to eating the ENTIRE bag of chips (now just like 10!). I have plans to live a very long time, until I’m 108 to be exact, if I don’t, such is life, but if I do, I want my time while I’m here to be full of joy, love, as opposed to fear and stress. And If I have to namaste my way through it for that to happen, I will! 

Do I want to go back to the way things were pre-covid? Absolutely not. I believe this is our opportunity to re-set, to re-imagine the type of world we want to live in. Time for some brainstorming sessions and a rewrite. Who wants to join me to discuss? We can have a google hangouts philosophy + design party!

(Photo by processingly on Unsplash)

Get Stuffed By An Italian Eggplant

If you liked getting stuffed by an eggplant you’ll love this Italian -ish twist. 

Opps. I mean, if you like stuffed eggplant this is the dish for you. 

Filled with wholesome healthy good stuff like quinoa, white beans, and walnuts this with pack your mouth with flavor–and fill you up too. 

This Get Stuffed Eggplant could potentially become a series, it turns out that you could really get stuffed eggplant any way you want it–just roast the eggplant and stuff with your favorite foods– I recommend 1 grain + 1 protein + veggies seasoned your way. I tried to make mine a bit more phallic-food friendly by adding chopped up salami that happened to already be in my fridge + walnuts for some extra nut flavor. I might try an even more phallic-one another time with roasted phallic foods + sausage. A greek stuffed eggplant would also be pretty good. 

I say, why not make one your way and send it my way and I’ll feature it if it looks appetizing. 

(I’ll throw in an IG shout-out and give you a creative contributor shout-out + digital copy of book when it’s released!) 

Anyhoo, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the f-ing recipe!

Get Stuffed By an Italian Eggplant 

What You Need:

  • 1 to 2 Eggplants  
  • Italian seasoning
  • Garlic salt
  • Cooked quinoa (or your choice of cooked grain) 
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • ½ of one red onion –diced
  • 3-4 cloves of garlic
  • 1 Can Great white northern beans- drained
  • A handful of chopped walnuts
  • Chopped up salami (to taste)
  • Italian seasoning (to taste)
  • Garlic salt (to taste)
  • Pepper (to taste)

Cheese Toppings (Optional)

  • Shredded mozzarella cheese
  • Parmesan cheese
  • Blue cheese to garnish (optional)

What You Do:

Step 1: Sweet it Out

Cut eggplant in half lengthwise. Season the flesh with kosher salt. Set aside, flesh side up, for 20 to 30 minutes to allow the eggplant to “sweat.” Pat dry with a paper towel. (This is an optional step but can make a big difference).

Step 2: Season Up

Heat the oven to 425 degrees F.

Pat eggplant dry. 

Brush the flesh with extra virgin olive oil. 

Rub the italian seasoning on the flesh of the eggplant, sprinkle with salt and any other seasonings of your choice if you so choose (I added some paprika)

Step 3: Get Roasty

Place eggplant halves, flesh side up, on a generously oiled sheet pan. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes or until the eggplant flesh is nice and tender.

Step 4: Cook up the Stuff

Meanwhile. 

Add olive oil to a pan on stove and put pan on medium heat

Saute onion until softened (about 5 minutes)

Add garlic, cook until fragrant (about 30 seconds)

Throw in walnuts, salami, italian seasoning, garlic salt, pepper and cooked grain of choice

Step 5: Stuff the Eggplant

Once the eggplants have been roasted and the flesh is nice and tender pull them out of the oven. Take a spoon and with the back of it slap the eggplant (or press it down firmly) to create a cave-ish hole. Fill the cave with the stuffing. Top with cheese filling if so desired and put back in the oven on BROIL for 2 to 3 minutes until lightly brown. 

Step 6: Plate and Eat

Carefully move eggplants to serving plate (I used two spatulas to do this). 

Garnish with blue cheese dressing if you’re feeling extra frisky.  

Stuff stuffed eggplant in mouth. Enjoy. 

Thanks for coming! For more Phallic Food Diet Recipes check out The Ultimate Phallic Food Platter.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Tickle Your Pickle Hangover Relief Drink

pickles for hangover

Replenish your wrecked body with this pickle-infused powerhouse concoction.

This hangover relief drink with pickles, carrots, ginger, lemon, and lime will help ease some of your most troubling hangover symptoms. Make this the night before you go drink so you can have it on hand in the morning (you will most likely not want to go to all the trouble if you’re feeling like ca-ca).  

Can pickle juice actually cure a hangover?

Controversy abounds as to whether or not pickle juice actually helps a person get over a night of too many cock…tails. Pickles and the juice they swim in contain vital electrolytes such as sodium and potassium; when you drink your body loses electrolytes and thus the theory states that putting them back inside you may in fact help restore balance within. 

Pickles are big part of the phallic diet. They contain probiotics which help with digestion, Vitamin K which helps with your immune system and they are low in calories yet bursting with flavor. Pickles do contain a high amount of salt, so if you’re trying to lower your salt intake or have high blood pressure, you might want to take it easy on the amount of pickles you shove down your throat every day.  

Carrots were actually first grown for medicinal purposes (and they weren’t the orange we see everywhere today). These long, hard, strong, bad boys contain vitamins B6 and K, potassium, and phosphorus– which aid in boosting the immunity and improving brain function. Something you most definitely need after a night of drinking. 

Ginger may be one of the best things you could possibly put in your body. Where your hangover is concerned–ginger helps with nausea and brain function (amongst many other amazing things).  

This recipe was made using a juicer. If you do not have a juicer I have written alternatives so you can still make it. Alright, let’s get to it. 

Tickle Your Pickle Hangover Relief Drink 

What You Need:

If you have juicer: 

8 to 10 carrots 

1 inch of fresh ginger 

1 cup of baby spinach (if using juicer, if not don’t use)

One lemon

One lime 

6 ounces of pickle juice (I used my mom’s homemade spicy pickles)

10 dashes of hot sauce

1 tablespoons Horseradish (optional but highly recommended)

1 teaspoon of worcester sauce 

Black pepper

1 teaspoon of Old Bay + more for garnish and glass rimming

Big carrot + big pickle for garnish

What You Do:

Juice the carrots, ginger, lemon, lime, and baby spinach according to your juicer instructions. 

Dump in pitcher or jar. 

Add pickle juice, hot sauce, horseradish, worcester sauce, black pepper to taste, old bay.

Sit it fridge for one hour to over night. 

Rim Rub Your Glasses

Rub a lemon over the rims of two glasses. Dump some Old Bay on a plate and rim the glasses with the Old Bay.

Put some ice in the glasses and dump juice mixture over ice.

Garnish with big carrot and big pickle. 

Enjoy!

Roll rim of glass in Old Bay for a fancy look + an extra dose of salt
The Tickle Your Pickle Hangover Relief Drink (If You Don’t Have a Juicer) Recipe:

What You Need:

8 ounces carrot juice

The juice of one lemon

The juice of ½ to 1 lime

6 ounces of pickle juice (I used my mom’s homemade spicy pickles)

or ½ teaspoon ginger powder

10 dashes of hot sauce

1 tablespoons Horseradish (optional but highly recommended)

1 teaspoon of worcester sauce 

Black pepper

1 teaspoon of Old Bay + more for garnish and glass rimming

Big carrot + big pickle for garnish

What You Do:

Dump carrot, lemon, lime, and pickle juice into pitcher or jar, add ginger hot sauce, horseradish, worcester sauce, black pepper to taste, old bay.

Sit it fridge for one hour to over night. 

Rim Rub Your Glasses

Rub a lemon over the rims of two glasses. Dump some Old Bay on a plate and rim the glasses with the Old Bay.

Put some ice in the glasses and dump juice mixture over ice.

Garnish with big carrot and big pickle. 

Enjoy!

Yes, I see you over there thinking these thoughts–you can add vodka to this if you want a Hair of the Dog vibe or if you’re like, not hungover but want to be later. Feel free to fill glass half way up and then top with soda water if you’re looking to add some extra hydration. You can also make this if you are not hungover but want some sort of enjoyable healthy juice like recipe.

It’s your life, get your carrot wet however you want. 

Want more Phallic Food Diet Recipes? Check out the Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter, a great addition to any gathering; Super Bowl snacks anyone?

Love Go Eat a Carrot? Support all the hard work by becoming a patron on Patreon.

The Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter

These Penis Platters Are the Opposite of Hard (to make)!

Hosting a small gathering? Need something quick and easy to take to a party (next year, fingers crossed)? Want to please your friends with snacks that are healthy and delicious while making them laugh at the same time? Well, you’re in luck– because the Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter will do all of that!

The beauty in this recipe is its versatility. You could easily use any combination of:

1) phallic food

2) nuts

3) white creamy substance

Ready to put together the Ultimate Holiday Phallic Food Platter?

Here’s What You Need:

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Carrots

Cucumber

Pickles

Summer Sausage

Any other phallic shaped foods you love to eat

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Pecans

Peanuts

Almonds

Walnuts

Hazelnuts

Any other nut you enjoy putting in your mouth

Choose 3 to 4 of your favorites:

Dill dip

Ranch dressing

Blue cheese dressing

Any soft white cheese

White queso dip

any other type of white dipping sauce of your choosing.

What You Do:

Assemble the platter into one large phallic shape or several small penis-like shapes on a serving tray or cutting board of your choice. I put the nuts into two ball-shaped circles on one side of the phallic-shape and then I artfully splooged cream dips directly onto the cutting board on the other side of the phallic shaped food. This is your time to get creative and play with the penis platter however you so desire. Make it artful-play with minimalism or abstract expressionism. Make it super pervy–make each phallic food ridiculously big. Anything you want to do here!

Want more Phallic Food Recipes? Check out my Sweet & Spicy Wrapped Lil Weenies –another super simple appetizer that’s great for parties (they’re like finger foods but dicks instead).

Love my site and want even MORE? Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon.

Sweet & Spicy Wrapped Lil Weenies

The perfect phallic food diet holiday appetizer!

The best thing about lil weenies is that you can put a whole bunch of them in your mouth at one time. These lil weenies are packed with protein with just a hint of sweet and spicy. My uncle often makes these for Christmas but he uses candied jalapeños, which are delicious. I decided to try them with carrots since this is Go Eat A Carrot after all. They turned out pretty good. Feel free to use either or neither in your recipe. They also have cheese stuffed lil smokies on the market now and those would be a fun, juicy, cream-squirt option to try if you’re into that.

Remember to keep your lil weenies wrapped this holiday season so you don’t have any baby weenies appear nine months from now. I’d suggest condoms for that, not bacon.

Enjoy these mouthgasms! And Happy Holidays!

Wrapped Lil Weenies Recipe

What You Need:

  • Package of Bacon
  • Package of Little Smokies
  • Baby carrots (cut in half)
  • Honey
  • Cayenne pepper
  • Cooking spray
  • Foil + Baking Sheet

What You Do:

Pre-heat oven to 325 degrees

line baking sheet with foil and spray with cooking spray

cut your bacon into thirds

Take one of your carrot halves and one of your little wieners and wrap up in one piece of cut bacon. Place seam down on baking sheet. Repeat until baking sheet is full of lil wieners. Dab each wiener with a little bit of honey. Then sprinkle with cayenne pepper.

Bake for 40 minutes until bacon is crispy.

Put on your favorite serving plate. Shove in mouth.

Get more from Go Eat a Carrot including Phallic Food Fun facts, cockless-cocktail mocktail recipes, Just the Tip advice, and one-on-one video consulting on my Patreon.

Looking for more easy phallic food diet recipes: Try my Sweet Jizz Glazed Carrots!

Sweet Jizz Glazed Carrots

When someone tells you to go eat a carrot now you will have the perfect recipe for just that. These sweet jizz glazed carrots are super simple to make and make a sexy side to any dinner plate. We had them with bbq ribs and mashed potatoes, let me tell you that was TOO much food.

I’m typically not a fan of cooked carrots just straight up by themselves, particularly when they’re sweetened but these didn’t get mushy or weird on me so I can legit recommend them to you all, my carrot loving friends.

Sweet jizz glazed carrots

Ingredients:

One 2 lb bag of carrots, peeled, and cut into quarters

1/4 cup of butter

1/4 cup of honey

1/2 teaspoon Garlic powder

Garlic salt + pepper to taste

One teaspoon ground rosemary OR one tablespoon fresh rosemary de-stemmed, cut or ground in mortal + pestle

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)

What You Do:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F

Get out baking dish (I put foil and cooking spray on mine but you may or may not NEED to that) throw your carrots on the baking dish.

Melt butter + honey + seasonings in pot.

Pour jizz glaze mixture over carrots and then toss those sexy carrots to coat (Alternative. Toss carrots in bowl and then transfer to baking dish to make sure ALL carrots get jizzed on equally).

Bake them for like 40 ish minutes (give or take 5 minutes).

Enjoy putting them in your mouth, chewing, and swallowing.

Join me on Patreon for fun food facts, mocktail recipes, sex tips and more.

Want more carrot recipes?

Check out my Nut and Cream Topped Carrot Ginger Soup

Corn Tits: A Story for the Truly Deplorable

Local woman publishes eBook set in Rural Southeast Kansas 

November 30, 2020, marks the global release of the dangerously funny eBook: Corn Tits: Rowdy Tales from Rural Kansas Part 1.

BUY IT HERE

In rural America, rumors spread like butter on hotcakes. Moving back to small-town Kansas after a decade in Denver, CO, Anderson County native, Krystal Fawn spins tall tales from spilled tea. 

“I’d hear these crazy stories but I’d have no idea who any of these people were so I started filling in the holes, making up these elaborate characters to try to bridge the gap between the rumors and who these people could be, and how they could have gotten into that kind of predicament. What they’d call ‘spinning a yarn’ around here.” 

Author, Krystal Fawn

Gut-wrenching and gross with dark, slap-stick-like humor, Corn Tits Part 1: Rowdy Tales from Rural Kansas is an adult-themed story written for readers 18+ about a woman (Candy Jo aka Corn Tits) struggling with a meth addiction who has recently fallen in love with a man with one leg (One-Legged Carl) and what happens after she gets caught in quite a compromising position.

“If you’re looking for something adventurous and delightfully raunchy to read, Krystal Fawn just published her first book, Corn Tits. If you’re into Tom Robbins books, you’ll thoroughly enjoy this.”

Tiffany H.

“It’s the best book I’ve read that has been written by anyone around these parts.”

-Grandma Arlene (who has read no other books by people from around these parts)

“Apple censored the title, figured it had to be good. It was the *t**s.”

-Chris M.

Help her reach her goal of 20,200 copies sold by the end of 2020!!!

Download the eBook on ALL e-publishing sites including Amazon Kindle, Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, and kobo. Find them all here.

Share the link with all your friends and be sure to leave a review like the ones above to spread the Corn Tits Love!

Live Reading and Q&A of Newly Released Novella, Corn Tits, with Author Krystal Fawn

Facebook Live: Tuesday, December 8th at 8 pm CST/ 7pm MST

RSVP to the event here.

Follow Krystal Fawn on Facebook @goeatacarrot to watch and get the latest info, updates, giveaways, and more!

 Krystal Fawn has published in the Atlantic, 5280 Magazine, The Boulder Weekly, and elephant journal. This is her first work of fiction.

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Three-Way Phallic Food Sauté

Three-Way Phallic Food Sauté

Spice up your dinner plate with this sexy phallic food sauté. This dish is a super easy + healthy way to add some side dish to your entree. Get almost all your phallic foods in your mouth at once!

What you Need for Phallic Food Sauté:

Skillet

Knife (I used this french fry cutter thing to give them a fun shape–not required)

Cutting board

½ cup eggplant

½ cup zucchini

½ cup yellow squash

Olive oil

Salt

Seasonings of choice (recommended: italian or old bay or creole or cumin + paprika)

What you do:

Slice the eggplant into rounds or dices depending on size of eggplant. 

Put in colander. Cover with salt. Let sit for an hour.

Once the eggplant has had sometime to sweat and think about what it’s done. Heat a skillet. Add some olive oil to the pan. Throw in all the vegetables together and saute until they’re a little bit blackened (that’s how I like them anyway) — about 10-15 minutes. 

Eat them as a side to your favorite entree OR make it a four-way by heating up a brat, slicing it up and throwing it into the party.

P.S.

I originally tried using the entirety of all three phallic foods in this sauté. I even had a really big skillet, but it was still too much to sauté all at once. Obviously you can do it in batches if you want to use more than 1/2 a cup at once.

Get fun phallic food facts on the Go Eat a Carrot Patreon!

Want more phallic food recipe ideas? Try the Nut & Creamed on Carrot Ginger Soup (yum)!

Did you know that the future author of the Phallic Food Diet Cookbook has written a work of fiction? Read her raunchy dark comedy about a woman addicted to meth who is caught in a rather compromising position. Corn Tits Part 1 is out on almost all major e-readers now.