From Books to Impulse Buys, My Favorite Things of 2021

The Best Ways I Stimulated My Mind, Body, Spirit

2021 was a rough year for most of us, this has been a well known fact. But, there were pockets of good times, moments of joy, fresh breathes and the like. I’ve compiled a list of my favorite things from the year, so if you’re looking to make your 2022 a little bit brighter perhaps some of these suggestions might help that happen! 

Favorite Book

Little Weirds by Jenny Slate

When I checked this out from my local library I had no idea that it was going to be AS good as it was. It was so good in fact that I returned the book to the library then went out and bought five copies to send to my friends. It’s not only my favorite book of 2021, it has moved into one of my top five favorite books of all time. It definitely spoke to me specifically in a way no other author has seemed to be able to capture via time/place/mentality and I’m all the more better off having read it (now one and half times but I’m sure many more to come). 

Runner Up

Midnight Library by Matt Haig

Favorite App

Insight Timer

For years many different people have suggested that I take up meditation. I often found it to be an insulting suggestion. Like, what bro, you don’t think I’m chill enough?! Turns out, I’ve never been chill enough. I am the wind that moves the fire. 

After struggling with falling asleep and trying all sorts of things from melatonin to Tylenol pm to sleepy time tea, I decided to try yoga nidra and sleep meditations. At first I was doing them on Spotify and Youtube but ran into some advertising problems that really threw the whole mood off. Then I discovered Insight Timer. It has SO many meditations (123,937 as of today) and of all different styles, genres, lengths etc. These sleep meditations work wonders on me. On top of that I’ve tried so many different topics such as lucid dreaming, cord cutting, and morning affirmations to start my day off on the right foot. I highly suggest this app to anyone who already likes meditation, struggles with meditation, or has been told by countless people that they should start meditating. It makes it so much easier. (And yeah, maybe those people who suggested that were right.)

Runner Up

Cappuccino-A daily personal audio show featuring your friends.

Favorite Phallic Food Diet Recipe

I came up with about thirty different recipes for the Phallic Food Diet. I am hoping to turn them into a cookbook sometime in the near future, maybe by the end of 2022 if I actively pursue it. If you’re interested in a copy let me know, I’m sure agents and book publishers would be happy to hear that other people think it’s a fun idea. Anyway, these frozen chocolate-covered bananas were my favorite due to their simplicity, big phallicness, and sweetness. Maybe not the healthiest of the recipes but not the worst dessert out there for you either.  

Runner Up

Meat-Wrapped Cream-Stuffed Pickles

Favorite Streaming Workout Channel 

Sydney Cummings 

I’ve been working out to her streaming videos for like three years now. It took me a while to find someone that was consistent, motivating, challenging, and above all not annoying (some of those online trainers–wow!). Anyway, if you’re looking to up your workout routine but don’t want to or don’t have access to a gym then streaming at home is a good choice. I use these adjustable weights, they don’t take up a lot of space and they go from 6 to 24 pounds. 

Runner Up

 Kaylie Daniels (yoga and pilates)

Favorite Non-essential Amazon Random Purchase

Karaoke Microphone 

This bluetooth karaoke microphone was an impulse buy during a flash sale and honestly it was the best thing I did for myself all year long. I had so much fun with this thing both by myself and with other people. Anytime I was in a funk or feeling the need to express myself  I’d turn it one and sing myself a song or two in front of the mirror. I’m sure my neighbors loved me. Especially those late nights on the porch with friends and too much whiskey. My go-to songs are Cher’s Turn Back Time, Wilson Phillips – Hold On and Celine Dion’s It’s Coming All Back to Me.

Runner Up

Beeswax Food Wrappers

Love this list, want more? Hear about my favorite Tinder date of 2021 in my latest video on my Patreon

Listen to my latest interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits on the Chubstep Podcast here

Severed Halloween Hot Dog Fingers

halloween recipes

Get Gross and Spooky with the Finger-Licking Good Hot Dogs

I suppose it was only time that we here at the Phallic Food Diet test kitchen turn a hot dog into a finger and send you on your way toward a good time. Severed Halloween hot dog fingers is a very simple recipe, particularly if you need a last minute spook-tacular idea or you want to mildly freak out your family or friends. 

It really takes fingering to the next level. 

Speaking of fingering. These severed Halloween hot dog fingers remind me of the time when I was in sixth grade jumping on the trampoline with all my friends. I was trying to show off my cartwheel flippy thing and being kind of an asshole about it from what I remember and I flipped right over the trampoline, landed on the back of my neck and hit my hand on the metal bar and broke my middle finger. I don’t know how I didn’t break my neck. I got very lucky. 

I had to walk around school with this giant cast on my middle finger so it looked like I was constantly flipping everyone off and in middle school; that’s pretty much the dream right there. 

Anyhoo. Halloween is by far my favorite holiday, with the darkness, the mystery, the intrigue and of course the costumes. Makes my fantasy mind go into overdrive. One day I’ll meet a pair of Luigi and Marios that want to take me to another level, you feel me? Anyhoo. Here are those bloody fingers. 

halloween recipes

Severed Halloween Hotdog Fingers Recipe

What You Need:

  • Hot dogs
  • Ketchup
  • Buns or quinoa 

What You Do:

  1. Boil hot dogs via their packaged instructions.
  2. Remove from pot.
  3. With a paring knife (very carefully since these dogs are hot), cut the tip of the hot dog into the shape of a finger nail. 
  4. From there, slice two slits where each knuckle on a finger would be (not all the way through). Cut the other end off. 
  5. Place in buns or on top of quinoa for that maggot-like vibe and squeeze a bunch of ketchup on the ends so they look nice and bloody and gross.  
  6. Serve to all your ghost and gobblin friends for a frightening fingering fun time.

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like the Gluten-Free Tuna Cucumber Sandwiches.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Review of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Non-monogamy

attachment theory

When I moved away from Denver to a small town in the middle of nowhere Kansas I had to register to vote in my new state of residence. When I did so I went from democrat to undeclared, not because I had suddenly gotten swayed by the republicans but that I felt like I didn’t really align with mainstream politics on either side. Perhaps my views were generally too radical or anti or interesting that they didn’t seem to fit in with either party and I didn’t want to be associated one way or the other. 

I say this, because this not fitting in thing is also how I feel about the whole monogamy v. polyamory debate. 

If someone were to ask me, I really find myself fitting in well with either ways of being, but there can be good (and bad) ideas on both sides. 

attachment theory

What draws me back to concepts of polyamory and consensual non-monogamy is not the actual practice of it, but the theory, the root of philosophy– which to me is that each relationship that a person is in with another person should be unique and designed together– instead of following some sort of standard script you essentially write the story together. That’s what lures me. 

From a practical standpoint, there isn’t really enough time, resources or interest for me in consensual non-monogamy. I think having close friendships and one intimate secure romantic relationship (when and if I find it) will be plenty for me, but I’m certainly open to ideas on how to have healthy, happy, meaningful connections and growth. 

Hence why I keep coming back to books on consensual non monogamy… not because I want to be in an open relationship necessarily but because I have found that people in the poly world give much better relationship advice regardless of how one practices their romantic connections. 

I think this is a pretty accurate assessment after reading the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Non Monogamy by Jessica Fern.

Fern starts by talking about the different types of secure and insecure attachment styles that people typically fall into and the dimensions of those attachments in relationship to boundaries, actions, ways of being etc. 

From there, she takes us through concepts on consensual non-monogamy and why understanding attachment theory is important in these (and really all types of) relationships. 

In the third section, Fern gives practical tips and suggestions for creating better security in relationships but also, what I found to be the most important, security with the self. 

This was one of those books that I think anyone, regardless of whether they’re monogamous, single, polyamorous etc. could benefit from reading to better understand themselves, how they attach and get actual methods for creating better security. 

There were some key takeaways for me:

It’s healthier to turn toward conflict–no matter how healthy the relationship there will be times of disharmony. “It’s not that we have ruptures, it’s how we repair them (192).” Realizing that there’s a problem and solving the problem, that the relationship is more important than the problem itself. 

“…for adults, a securely attached romantic relationship takes approximately two years to really solidify.” (139) Like, damn, okay, that’s way longer than I would have guessed, which I think just highlights how we’ve all sort of lost patience with each other but perhaps that’s a topic for another day. 

“In monogamy, if two people do not align in their desires to be attached at a secure level or one person is unable or unwilling to step into secure functioning then the relationship usually ends…”(146).   Oh, well, when you put it this way this certainly makes so much sense. 

Overall, I found the book useful, though I’m left wanting more and I can’t quite place what it is exactly I’m wanting. I do like how she suggests we take what we need and leave the rest, I guess that’s sort of what I do already as someone undeclared in politics and in love.

Want to buy the book? Here’s the link to Polysecure.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Gluten-Free Baked Cheese and Pickle Chips

keto pickle chips

A Healthier Chip? Prob Not Technically. 

If you ever felt like you wanted to know more about me the first thing I’d tell you is that I’m really into pickles…. I suppose that is pretty obvious considering I am the creator of the Phallic Food Cookbook. BUT! This is the part of the blog that I’m supposed to write something about my relationship to food so there you have it, I love pickles. I love all kinds of pickles, I am not one of those people who only like DILL, I find that to be ridiculous, give me a good bread & better, a spicy garlic, a curry cayenne, I really don’t care, as long as it’s crisp, clean, delicious. 

There was a time when I was trying to be more keto-friendly with my diet. I had to go on stage and take off my dress in front of like 90 people from around my hometown every night for 6 nights, so I was trying to like, tone up, which meant I had to quit eating potato chips (my guilty snack pleasure). I found a recipe similar to this on someone’s facebook page and adapted it. I adapted in the sense that I used my mother’s homepage bread and butter pickles and I perhaps added way too much cheese. 

These cheese and pickle chips are pretty weird, I’ll admit to that. They’re okay. They grow on you. I don’t really know how else to say that they’re worth trying but aren’t like the best food you’ll ever have in your life. IDK maybe a different combination would work better than the one I tried. Let me know if you find a good combo! 

I made a batch on a flat sheet and a batch in a muffin tin, the flat sheet makes them crunchier which I preferred but the muffin tin makes them thicker, which some of my food samplers said they liked better.

Gluten-Free Baked Cheese and Pickle Chips Recipe

What You Need:

  • A dozen of your favorite pickle round slices
  • Your favorite shredded Cheese

What You Do:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees
  • Spray nonstick spray on oven pan or muffin tin
  • Sprinkle 12 circles of cheese on pan or muffin tin
  • Pat dry pickles on both sides
  • Place on top of cheese
  • Sprinkle more cheese on top of pickle
  • Bake for like 15 minutes 
  • Enjoy!

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like the Gluten-Free Tuna Cucumber Sandwiches.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Phallic Food Asian Noodles

asian noodle recipe

Send These Noods Right Over

The best part of this phallic food asian noodles dish is that you can eat it hot, warm, or cold; any way you have it, it’s delicious. I also like it because it’s a well-rounded addition to the phallic food diet cookbook as it includes 4 major phallic foods: carrots, cucumbers, sausage, and peanuts. The combination creates a plethora of texture and the jalapenos and sauce add a nice kick. 

As someone who lives alone and struggles at times to have the motivation to cook, these phallic food noodles are great to have ready to go in the fridge for whenever hunger strikes. I like to eat mine with chopsticks because it’s good practice, and I could use all the practice I can get because I’ll tell you, I didn’t use chopsticks until I was well into my late 20s. There was only one Chinese restaurant anywhere near me growing up and not only did it make me sick on both occasions that I went, they only had forks. Now, when I go out in public to an asian restaurant I only look sort of awkward instead of all the way awkward–oh the powers of learning, practicing, growing. 

Anyway, now, with this tasty recipe you can grow your stomach and your chopsticking skills all at once! Or just eat it with a fork, either way, you’re welcome.  

Phallic Food Asian Noodles Recipe

What You Need:

  • Half a package of Udon noodles (or noodles of choice)
  • 1 LB Ground sausage
  • 2 medium/large carrots shredded
  • ½ of one Cucumber, peeled and diced
  • 1-2 Jalapenos, diced
  • Half of a red onion, diced 


  • 2 tablespoons chili garlic sauce 
  • ⅔ cup of soy sauce
  • 1 tablespoon sriracha 
  • 1-2 tablespoons sweetener of choice (agave, honey, brown sugar etc)
  • The juice of one lime
  • ½ teaspoon Garlic salt
  • ½ teaspoon Garlic powder
  • Pinch of cayenne 
  • Pepper to taste

Toppings (optional}

  • Chopped peanuts
  • Cilantro

What You Do:

  1. Boil a pot of water and cook noodles based on package direction, drain
  2. At the same time, brown the sausage in a skillet over medium heat, drain, set aside
  3. Cook the onion and jalapeño on medium low for about five minutes,
  4. Make sauce by combining all the ingredients in a bowl
  5. Pour sauce into onion, mix, add drained sausage, carrots and cucumber stir, then add to drained noodles, stir some more
  6. Serve in individual bowls and top with peanuts and/or cilantro 
  7. Eat!

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like the Gluten-Free Tuna Cucumber Sandwiches.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Gluten-Free Tuna and Cucumber Sandwiches

gluten free keto easy recipes

An Easy Way to Get More Cucumbers in Your Mouth

Whether you’re looking for an easy to make light lunch or dinner idea or you are craving an afternoon snack, these gluten-free tuna and cucumber sandwiches hit the spot. Not only are the incredibly simple to make, they are healthy and delicious too. 

Everyone makes their tuna salad differently, I usually just throw together whatever I have in the fridge to make it work, as seen below with the use of the pickle relish. Feel free to do it up however you like, this is just an example. Certainly any type of protein + salad would work here, chicken, egg, tuna, etc. 

These cucumbers came directly from my parents garden, which I suppose you could say I did as well. Certainly I’ll be around a lot longer though and if you were thinking about eating me I’d prefer you leave any knives out of the equation.  Anyhoo I’ll spare you any more writing and get straight to the recipe.

Gluten-Free Tuna and Cucumber Sandwiches Recipe

What You Need:

  • ½ to 1 cucumber 

Tuna Salad:

  • 2 cans of tuna
  • 3 to 4 tablespoons of mayo
  • 1 teaspoon yellow mustard
  • Either half of stalk of celery chopped OR I used a spoonful of sweet pickle relish
  • Garlic powder, salt, & pepper to taste
  • A pinch of cayenne 

What You Do:

  1. Make the tuna salad by combining all the ingredients in a bowl, chill if so desired.
  2. Peel (if so desired) and slice the cucumber into rounds.
  3. Put a spoonful of the tuna salad on top of one slice of cucumber and top with another.
  4. Make as many as you desire to eat.

Ta-Da! It’s that easy. Crisp, delicious, and healthy. Also, it’s gluten-free as far as I know, and it’s probably keto or paleo but honestly I can’t keep up with what’s what. What I do know is that it is part of THE PHALLIC FOOD DIET and thus it’s here for you whenever you need it (or want it).

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Thoughts on The Heart Principle: A Book Review of Sorts

Ready for a Modern Day Romance?

I don’t often read romances but I thought I’d take a break from some of the intense reading I’d been doing on trauma and complex PTSD and mindfulness and treat myself to something a bit lighter and thus I chose The Heart Principle

I’m still debating if it was the right time to pick up a book like this after coming to a dead end on a romantic possibility of my own, one that had caused a lot of emotional turbulence, sadness, and fear. Reading about other people falling in love and having the best sex of their life can certainly induce hope but can also cause feelings of envy and a deepening of that loss. 

I have to say overall I was pleasantly surprised by all this book managed to do. 

the heart principle book review

The author Helen Hoang, did a great job of interlacing the story with legit human issues such as the emotional toll of caring for a loved one when they become ill, the ups and downs of therapy, living on the autism spectrum, and even some light touches on race in America all while following two people as they fall in love. 

I know how hard it is to sit down and write a book, so I’m not here to go through and nitpick, but I did find a couple of things that felt slightly off. It’s probably because I am not super aware of the standards that come along with romance novels but I noticed that every time genitalia was mentioned in the story she used the word, ‘sex,’ such as:

‘He felt the wetness of my sex as he slid his fingers deeper inside.”

Is it against the rules to use vulva? Pussy? Penis? Cock? Are those words too aggressive? Jarring? Un-sexy where romance is concerned? It’s not that big of a deal I just found it off-putting and I like the idea of modern day romances being as sex-positive as possible. 

Which leads me to my only other critique. And SPOILER ALERT. The guy she’s dating at the beginning of this book wants an open relationship. She agrees to it because she doesn’t know how to say no. I actually like the premise because again, it’s one of those legit human issues many people in the dating world go through, but is that really what they were doing in the book? 

I know that there are a plethora of reasons why people choose to have open relationships as well as the type of open relationships people agree to have, but once he said he was going to sleep with other people she just went back to her apartment and lived her own life and never really talked to him again until he showed up at her parents house. Like, if you’re in an open relationship you’re still having relations with each other right? They weren’t separated. Yet, they didn’t do anything to keep their relationship going. She wanted out but would she have gotten back together with him if she didn’t find an out through another, better guy? 

Which leads me to my final thoughts—the best and also most unbelievable (in a good way) part of the book, Quan. Where does one find a man like that? I hope that by Hoang writing a character like him she has in turn manifested men like that into real life because damn. Not only is he physically hot, he has a successful job, a solid support system of family and friends, a car and a motorcycle, hobbies that he enjoys by himself and with others, and most importantly kindness, patience, and generosity. Of course Anna would want to be with him over the insensitive narcissistic open relationship dude. I WANT to be with him and he’s a made up person. 

I understand that this is a romance and the guy is supposed to be a FANTASY but I’m still holding on to a glimmer of hope that people like him exist because everyone deserves to have that kind of love in their life. 

Anyway, if you’re looking to get swept away in a tale of finding true love within yourself and in your relationships while tackling all that life throws your way this is a good one to go with. It almost makes me want to start dating again. 

Buy the book for yourself here

Or join the Book of the Month Club and read along with what I’m reading every month! 

Hot Dogs in a Pickle

Trade Your Soggy White Buns for This Juicy Tart Alternative

While I was eating these hot dogs in a pickle, the guy who has been upgrading my internet came to the door to check and make sure it was still working. He was like, ‘oh, guess I caught you eating.’ And I was like, ‘I’m always eating so that’s a likely scenario.’ Anyway, I was telling my friend about how weird it was to have a guy walk in your house while you’re shoving a hot dog stuffed into a pickle into your mouth and he said to me, ‘always make eye contact while eating phallic shaped foods in front of other people’ and I really regret not being weirder when I opened the door.

But… I really need the internet to get the word out to all of your about the Phallic Food Diet so I suppose it was a good thing not to creep out my internet guy too much.

Anyhoo. This recipe is so simple I didn’t really know what to talk about. You literally just cut open a pickle and put hot dog in it. I jizzed it up a bit you know, so it would be more like a recipe. Go as simple or as fancy as you please.

I’m all for replacing buns with pickles, but I will say it’s pretty fucking messy when you’re eating–so bring your own bib.

Hot Dogs in a Pickle Recipe

What You Need:

  • ½ Cup Cream Cheese
  • ½ cup white cheddar cheese
  • ½ teaspoon garlic powder
  • ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • Salt & pepper to taste
  • 4 large whole pickles
  • Mayo, Mustard, sauerkraut, or horseradish to Drizzle

What You Do:

  1. Make Cream Spread. Stir and combine the cream cheese, cheese, and seasonings in a bowl. 
  2. Cook hot dogs based on package direction or your personal preference. 
  3. Slice triangle out of whole pickle to make slot for hotdog (essentially cut a ¼ of it out without cutting in half).
  4. Slather cream cheese mix on pickle.
  5. Slide in the hot dog.
  6. Top with a drizzle or dollop of either mayo, mustard, sauerkraut, or horseradish. 


Are you getting all you can get from the Phallic Food diet? This was the final recipe from HOT DOG MONTH Check out The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien for more where that came from.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Hot Dogs and Queso aka Meat Chodes with Creamy White Queso Dip

Have Some Fondue with Your Wieners 

Here’s another simple yet delicious recipe. Hot dogs and queso. Of course, you can dress it up or down any way you like. For example, you can use fancy toothpicks or fancy cheese. You can add green chili instead of or in addition to the jalapeños. You could even buy the queso already made and not even have to worry about it. 

Because let me tell you, I made this, and it was pretty good round one but when I reheated the queso it got grainy, my advice would be to not do that because that’s a lot of cheese going down the drain (I did not literally put it down the drain because I didn’t want my pipes to get constipated.)

Anyhoo, what’s nice about this hot dogs and queso recipe is that you can make it for guests as a nice fun party food or you can make up a plate for yourself to snack on as you watch your latest tv binge, I of course did the latter because i enjoy having all the hotdogs to myself. 

Bratwurst can also be used in this recipe, I added a chicken one to the one you see in the picture. 

Anyhoo without further adieu, I present to you the newest hot dog recipe of the month, hot dogs and queso also known as:

Meat Chodes with Creamy White Queso Dip Recipe

What You Need:

Hot dogs and or bratwurst 

Carrots (for garnish, optional)

For Queso:

  • 1 8 oz. block of white American or white cheddar cheese
  • ½ cup mozzarella
  • 12 ounces evaporated milk
  • 1 tablespoon of cornstarch 
  • 2 Jalapeños (sliced and diced)
  • ½ teaspoon Chili Powder
  • ½ teaspoon Cumin
  • ½ teaspoon Red Pepper Flakes
  • ¼ teaspoon Paprika
  • ¼ teaspoon Cayenne Pepper
  • Salt 
  • Pepper

What You Do:

Make the Queso: 

  1. Chop up your big block of cheese into tiny bits. 
  2. Heat up the evaporated milk (not too hot!) and then whisk in cornstarch.
  3. Once it starts to lightly simmer, reduce the heat to low.
  4. Stir in the cheese by the handful. Keep STIRRING. Stir and stir until all the cheese is incorporated and also completely melted.
  5. Add in your peppers and spices. 
  6. Put in serving bowl. 

Cook Hot Dogs/Brats:

Follow your favorite method.

Assemble Plate:

  • Put bowl of queso on plate.
  • Cut the hot dogs and or brats into chunks and stab with toothpicks.
  • Add carrots, cucumbers, or any other phallic-y food items to the plate you have sitting around.
  • Ta-Da!
  • Time to dip those wieners in some rich creamy white sauce and enjoy! 

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more from Hot Dog Month with The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring Cooking with Julien

Onion Rings on Your Footlong? If You Insist…

Hot Dog Month continues with featured guest Cooking with Julien. This footlong Kielbasa is inspired by all things Reno, where self-taught chef and entrepreneur Julien now resides. Inspired by both the nondescript onion (native to the state) to the more risqué side of Nevada (and also, let’s face it, native to the state)–legalized prostitution– he has created the Reno Footlong. 

He said of this creation, “The dog is all over the place, because that’s how the people are up here.”  

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d certainly eat an onion right off a footlong kielbasa. 

Would I pay to do it? Well, I’m not in Nevada, so no. 

But I digress. 

The Reno FootLong Kielbasa Recipe 

What You Need:

  • Kielbasa footlong sausage
  • onion rings (frozen or homemade)
  • onion 
  • tomatoes 
  • jalapeños 
  • relish 
  • mustard 
  • Mayo
  • baguette

What You Do:

  1. Bake or fry your onion rings
  2. Dice your onion and tomatoes
  3. Cook or grill your footlong kielbasa by your preferred method
  4. Lightly toast your baguette (or don’t!)
  5. Spread mayo and mustard on the baguette
  6. Slide the footlong kielbasa into the warm bread
  7. Top with diced onions, tomatoes, relish, and jalapeños
  8. Finish off with onions rings 
  9. Shove in mouth
  10. Enjoy 

Want to check out more of the amazing food coming out of Cooking with Julien’s kitchen? Check out his Instagram here

Get more Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more from Hot Dog Month with special guest, Chubstep’s Chicago Style Phallic Hot Dog with Cumback Sauce.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.