Phallic Food Asian Noodles

asian noodle recipe

Send These Noods Right Over

The best part of this phallic food asian noodles dish is that you can eat it hot, warm, or cold; any way you have it, it’s delicious. I also like it because it’s a well-rounded addition to the phallic food diet cookbook as it includes 4 major phallic foods: carrots, cucumbers, sausage, and peanuts. The combination creates a plethora of texture and the jalapenos and sauce add a nice kick. 

As someone who lives alone and struggles at times to have the motivation to cook, these phallic food noodles are great to have ready to go in the fridge for whenever hunger strikes. I like to eat mine with chopsticks because it’s good practice, and I could use all the practice I can get because I’ll tell you, I didn’t use chopsticks until I was well into my late 20s. There was only one Chinese restaurant anywhere near me growing up and not only did it make me sick on both occasions that I went, they only had forks. Now, when I go out in public to an asian restaurant I only look sort of awkward instead of all the way awkward–oh the powers of learning, practicing, growing. 

Anyway, now, with this tasty recipe you can grow your stomach and your chopsticking skills all at once! Or just eat it with a fork, either way, you’re welcome.  

Phallic Food Asian Noodles Recipe

What You Need:

  • Half a package of Udon noodles (or noodles of choice)
  • 1 LB Ground sausage
  • 2 medium/large carrots shredded
  • ½ of one Cucumber, peeled and diced
  • 1-2 Jalapenos, diced
  • Half of a red onion, diced 

Sauce

  • 2 tablespoons chili garlic sauce 
  • ⅔ cup of soy sauce
  • 1 tablespoon sriracha 
  • 1-2 tablespoons sweetener of choice (agave, honey, brown sugar etc)
  • The juice of one lime
  • ½ teaspoon Garlic salt
  • ½ teaspoon Garlic powder
  • Pinch of cayenne 
  • Pepper to taste

Toppings (optional}

  • Chopped peanuts
  • Cilantro

What You Do:

  1. Boil a pot of water and cook noodles based on package direction, drain
  2. At the same time, brown the sausage in a skillet over medium heat, drain, set aside
  3. Cook the onion and jalapeño on medium low for about five minutes,
  4. Make sauce by combining all the ingredients in a bowl
  5. Pour sauce into onion, mix, add drained sausage, carrots and cucumber stir, then add to drained noodles, stir some more
  6. Serve in individual bowls and top with peanuts and/or cilantro 
  7. Eat!

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like the Gluten-Free Tuna Cucumber Sandwiches.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Gluten-Free Tuna and Cucumber Sandwiches

gluten free keto easy recipes

An Easy Way to Get More Cucumbers in Your Mouth

Whether you’re looking for an easy to make light lunch or dinner idea or you are craving an afternoon snack, these gluten-free tuna and cucumber sandwiches hit the spot. Not only are the incredibly simple to make, they are healthy and delicious too. 

Everyone makes their tuna salad differently, I usually just throw together whatever I have in the fridge to make it work, as seen below with the use of the pickle relish. Feel free to do it up however you like, this is just an example. Certainly any type of protein + salad would work here, chicken, egg, tuna, etc. 

These cucumbers came directly from my parents garden, which I suppose you could say I did as well. Certainly I’ll be around a lot longer though and if you were thinking about eating me I’d prefer you leave any knives out of the equation.  Anyhoo I’ll spare you any more writing and get straight to the recipe.

Gluten-Free Tuna and Cucumber Sandwiches Recipe

What You Need:

  • ½ to 1 cucumber 

Tuna Salad:

  • 2 cans of tuna
  • 3 to 4 tablespoons of mayo
  • 1 teaspoon yellow mustard
  • Either half of stalk of celery chopped OR I used a spoonful of sweet pickle relish
  • Garlic powder, salt, & pepper to taste
  • A pinch of cayenne 

What You Do:

  1. Make the tuna salad by combining all the ingredients in a bowl, chill if so desired.
  2. Peel (if so desired) and slice the cucumber into rounds.
  3. Put a spoonful of the tuna salad on top of one slice of cucumber and top with another.
  4. Make as many as you desire to eat.

Ta-Da! It’s that easy. Crisp, delicious, and healthy. Also, it’s gluten-free as far as I know, and it’s probably keto or paleo but honestly I can’t keep up with what’s what. What I do know is that it is part of THE PHALLIC FOOD DIET and thus it’s here for you whenever you need it (or want it).

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more like The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Thoughts on The Heart Principle: A Book Review of Sorts

Ready for a Modern Day Romance?

I don’t often read romances but I thought I’d take a break from some of the intense reading I’d been doing on trauma and complex PTSD and mindfulness and treat myself to something a bit lighter and thus I chose The Heart Principle

I’m still debating if it was the right time to pick up a book like this after coming to a dead end on a romantic possibility of my own, one that had caused a lot of emotional turbulence, sadness, and fear. Reading about other people falling in love and having the best sex of their life can certainly induce hope but can also cause feelings of envy and a deepening of that loss. 

I have to say overall I was pleasantly surprised by all this book managed to do. 

the heart principle book review

The author Helen Hoang, did a great job of interlacing the story with legit human issues such as the emotional toll of caring for a loved one when they become ill, the ups and downs of therapy, living on the autism spectrum, and even some light touches on race in America all while following two people as they fall in love. 

I know how hard it is to sit down and write a book, so I’m not here to go through and nitpick, but I did find a couple of things that felt slightly off. It’s probably because I am not super aware of the standards that come along with romance novels but I noticed that every time genitalia was mentioned in the story she used the word, ‘sex,’ such as:

‘He felt the wetness of my sex as he slid his fingers deeper inside.”

Is it against the rules to use vulva? Pussy? Penis? Cock? Are those words too aggressive? Jarring? Un-sexy where romance is concerned? It’s not that big of a deal I just found it off-putting and I like the idea of modern day romances being as sex-positive as possible. 

Which leads me to my only other critique. And SPOILER ALERT. The guy she’s dating at the beginning of this book wants an open relationship. She agrees to it because she doesn’t know how to say no. I actually like the premise because again, it’s one of those legit human issues many people in the dating world go through, but is that really what they were doing in the book? 

I know that there are a plethora of reasons why people choose to have open relationships as well as the type of open relationships people agree to have, but once he said he was going to sleep with other people she just went back to her apartment and lived her own life and never really talked to him again until he showed up at her parents house. Like, if you’re in an open relationship you’re still having relations with each other right? They weren’t separated. Yet, they didn’t do anything to keep their relationship going. She wanted out but would she have gotten back together with him if she didn’t find an out through another, better guy? 

Which leads me to my final thoughts—the best and also most unbelievable (in a good way) part of the book, Quan. Where does one find a man like that? I hope that by Hoang writing a character like him she has in turn manifested men like that into real life because damn. Not only is he physically hot, he has a successful job, a solid support system of family and friends, a car and a motorcycle, hobbies that he enjoys by himself and with others, and most importantly kindness, patience, and generosity. Of course Anna would want to be with him over the insensitive narcissistic open relationship dude. I WANT to be with him and he’s a made up person. 

I understand that this is a romance and the guy is supposed to be a FANTASY but I’m still holding on to a glimmer of hope that people like him exist because everyone deserves to have that kind of love in their life. 

Anyway, if you’re looking to get swept away in a tale of finding true love within yourself and in your relationships while tackling all that life throws your way this is a good one to go with. It almost makes me want to start dating again. 

Buy the book for yourself here

Or join the Book of the Month Club and read along with what I’m reading every month! 

Hot Dogs in a Pickle

Trade Your Soggy White Buns for This Juicy Tart Alternative

While I was eating these hot dogs in a pickle, the guy who has been upgrading my internet came to the door to check and make sure it was still working. He was like, ‘oh, guess I caught you eating.’ And I was like, ‘I’m always eating so that’s a likely scenario.’ Anyway, I was telling my friend about how weird it was to have a guy walk in your house while you’re shoving a hot dog stuffed into a pickle into your mouth and he said to me, ‘always make eye contact while eating phallic shaped foods in front of other people’ and I really regret not being weirder when I opened the door.

But… I really need the internet to get the word out to all of your about the Phallic Food Diet so I suppose it was a good thing not to creep out my internet guy too much.

Anyhoo. This recipe is so simple I didn’t really know what to talk about. You literally just cut open a pickle and put hot dog in it. I jizzed it up a bit you know, so it would be more like a recipe. Go as simple or as fancy as you please.

I’m all for replacing buns with pickles, but I will say it’s pretty fucking messy when you’re eating–so bring your own bib.

Hot Dogs in a Pickle Recipe

What You Need:

  • ½ Cup Cream Cheese
  • ½ cup white cheddar cheese
  • ½ teaspoon garlic powder
  • ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • Salt & pepper to taste
  • 4 large whole pickles
  • Mayo, Mustard, sauerkraut, or horseradish to Drizzle

What You Do:

  1. Make Cream Spread. Stir and combine the cream cheese, cheese, and seasonings in a bowl. 
  2. Cook hot dogs based on package direction or your personal preference. 
  3. Slice triangle out of whole pickle to make slot for hotdog (essentially cut a ¼ of it out without cutting in half).
  4. Slather cream cheese mix on pickle.
  5. Slide in the hot dog.
  6. Top with a drizzle or dollop of either mayo, mustard, sauerkraut, or horseradish. 

Enjoy

Are you getting all you can get from the Phallic Food diet? This was the final recipe from HOT DOG MONTH Check out The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien for more where that came from.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Hot Dogs and Queso aka Meat Chodes with Creamy White Queso Dip

Have Some Fondue with Your Wieners 

Here’s another simple yet delicious recipe. Hot dogs and queso. Of course, you can dress it up or down any way you like. For example, you can use fancy toothpicks or fancy cheese. You can add green chili instead of or in addition to the jalapeños. You could even buy the queso already made and not even have to worry about it. 

Because let me tell you, I made this, and it was pretty good round one but when I reheated the queso it got grainy, my advice would be to not do that because that’s a lot of cheese going down the drain (I did not literally put it down the drain because I didn’t want my pipes to get constipated.)

Anyhoo, what’s nice about this hot dogs and queso recipe is that you can make it for guests as a nice fun party food or you can make up a plate for yourself to snack on as you watch your latest tv binge, I of course did the latter because i enjoy having all the hotdogs to myself. 

Bratwurst can also be used in this recipe, I added a chicken one to the one you see in the picture. 

Anyhoo without further adieu, I present to you the newest hot dog recipe of the month, hot dogs and queso also known as:

Meat Chodes with Creamy White Queso Dip Recipe

What You Need:

Hot dogs and or bratwurst 

Carrots (for garnish, optional)

For Queso:

  • 1 8 oz. block of white American or white cheddar cheese
  • ½ cup mozzarella
  • 12 ounces evaporated milk
  • 1 tablespoon of cornstarch 
  • 2 Jalapeños (sliced and diced)
  • ½ teaspoon Chili Powder
  • ½ teaspoon Cumin
  • ½ teaspoon Red Pepper Flakes
  • ¼ teaspoon Paprika
  • ¼ teaspoon Cayenne Pepper
  • Salt 
  • Pepper

What You Do:

Make the Queso: 

  1. Chop up your big block of cheese into tiny bits. 
  2. Heat up the evaporated milk (not too hot!) and then whisk in cornstarch.
  3. Once it starts to lightly simmer, reduce the heat to low.
  4. Stir in the cheese by the handful. Keep STIRRING. Stir and stir until all the cheese is incorporated and also completely melted.
  5. Add in your peppers and spices. 
  6. Put in serving bowl. 

Cook Hot Dogs/Brats:

Follow your favorite method.

Assemble Plate:

  • Put bowl of queso on plate.
  • Cut the hot dogs and or brats into chunks and stab with toothpicks.
  • Add carrots, cucumbers, or any other phallic-y food items to the plate you have sitting around.
  • Ta-Da!
  • Time to dip those wieners in some rich creamy white sauce and enjoy! 

Loving what you’re getting so far? Get other Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more from Hot Dog Month with The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring special guest, Cooking with Julien.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

The Reno Footlong Kielbasa Featuring Cooking with Julien

Onion Rings on Your Footlong? If You Insist…

Hot Dog Month continues with featured guest Cooking with Julien. This footlong Kielbasa is inspired by all things Reno, where self-taught chef and entrepreneur Julien now resides. Inspired by both the nondescript onion (native to the state) to the more risqué side of Nevada (and also, let’s face it, native to the state)–legalized prostitution– he has created the Reno Footlong. 

He said of this creation, “The dog is all over the place, because that’s how the people are up here.”  

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d certainly eat an onion right off a footlong kielbasa. 

Would I pay to do it? Well, I’m not in Nevada, so no. 

But I digress. 

The Reno FootLong Kielbasa Recipe 

What You Need:

  • Kielbasa footlong sausage
  • onion rings (frozen or homemade)
  • onion 
  • tomatoes 
  • jalapeños 
  • relish 
  • mustard 
  • Mayo
  • baguette

What You Do:

  1. Bake or fry your onion rings
  2. Dice your onion and tomatoes
  3. Cook or grill your footlong kielbasa by your preferred method
  4. Lightly toast your baguette (or don’t!)
  5. Spread mayo and mustard on the baguette
  6. Slide the footlong kielbasa into the warm bread
  7. Top with diced onions, tomatoes, relish, and jalapeños
  8. Finish off with onions rings 
  9. Shove in mouth
  10. Enjoy 

Want to check out more of the amazing food coming out of Cooking with Julien’s kitchen? Check out his Instagram here

Get more Phallic Food diet recipes. Including more from Hot Dog Month with special guest, Chubstep’s Chicago Style Phallic Hot Dog with Cumback Sauce.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here.

Chili Cheese Hot Dog Tacos

leftover hot dog recipe idea

Put your hot dog in a new position tonight!

Chili cheese hot dog tacos will take your bland old hot dog to the next level. This is the perfect recipe if you have leftover hot dogs or chili sitting around and are looking for a way to spice things up. These are also great because if you buy everything pre-made like I did they take a whole 5 minutes to make.

Of course, if you want to make everything from scratch that’s up to you but my motto is work smarter, not harder.

As you can see from the pictures, these chili cheese hot dog tacos are not the prettiest to look at, but by golly they’re delicious, surprisingly delicious.

Just another Phallic Food Diet recipe that will leave you begging for more.

Chili Cheese Hot Dog Tacos Recipe

What You Need:

  • Hot Dogs
  • 1 can of chili (or your own homemade chili)
  • White cheddar cheese or Monterrey jack cheese
  • Guacamole (pre-made or homemade)
  • Crushed tortilla chips
  • Greek yogurt or sour cream
  • Hardshell or soft shell tacos

What You Do:

  1. Cook hot dog by package directions or your particular preferred method
  2. Heat up chili 
  3. Heat shells
  4. Start layers with guac on bottom
  5. Followed by the Hot dog, Chili, Cheese, Crushed tortilla chips (optional), Drizzle of plain green yogurt or sour cream (optional)
  6. Shove these crunchy hot dog tacos in mouth
  7. Enjoy

Want more Phallic Food diet recipes? Check out more from hot dog month with special guest, Chubstep’s Chicago Style Phallic Hot Dog with Cumback Sauce.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here

The Chubstep Chicago-Style Phallic Hot Dog with Cumback Sauce

recipe for chicago-style phallic hotdog

You’ll keep coming back for more of these hot juicy dogs

We’re doing it Chicago Style today, my friends. Thanks to the creative and talented guys from Chubstep Podcast, we’ve got ourselves another amazing phallic hot dog recipe in the books!

If you haven’t taken a listen I’d highly recommend checking them out, they talk about anything and everything– there’s a chance you’ll even laugh… more than once!

They reached out to me MANY months ago as I was the only other person to ever hashtag the phallic food diet. They even interviewed me about it (link at bottom of recipe). And now here we are, several moon cycles later working together on hot dog recipes.

There’s really nothing better on a warm summer day than a nice juicy phallic hot dog and you can’t eat a hot dog without doing it Chicago-style at least once! I asked the Chubstep fellas to help me out with this one since they’re still Windy city living (I haven’t lived in Chicago since 2010).

If you want it done right sometimes you got to call in the experts.

So, here’s Chubstep’s take on the Chicago-style phallic hot dog with a Cumback sauce twist–perfect as I return from my 2+ month hiatus.

The Chubstep Chicago-Style Phallic Hot Dog with Cumback Sauce Recipe

What you Need:

For the Cumback Sauce:

  • 2 Tbsp. Yellow mustard
  • 3 Tbsp. Mayo
  • 1 Tbsp. Ketchup
  • 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 Tbsp Sriracha
  • 1 tsp. Garlic salt
  • 1 tsp. Black Pepper
  • 1 tsp. Onion powder
  • Juice of Half a Lemon

For the Relish:

  • 1 Tomato
  • 2 green onions
  • 1 Tbsp red wine vinegar
  • 2 tsp. celery salt

For the Doggie Style:
Dill pickles
Sport peppers
Grilled hot dog or Polish sausage
Toasted bun

What You Do:

  1. Make the sauce. Aka mix all ingredients into a bowl.
  2. Make the relish. Chop up the tomatoes and onion toss in another bowl and mix with the vinegar and salt.
  3. Grill your Weiner.
  4. Toast your buns.
  5. Slide Weiner into bun.
  6. Slather with cumback sauce.
  7. Slop on the relish.
  8. Top with pickles and/or sport peppers
  9. Shove in mouth.

The Chicago-style phallic hotdog

The Chicago-style Polish Dog

Follow Chubstep’s other food-inspired Instagram @brogrillofficial for even more delicious ideas!

For more Phallic Food Diet Recipes including other great party food ideas, check out The Original Phallic Food Hot Dog with Carrot Relish here.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Want to listen to my interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits? Find it on the Chubstep Podcast here

The Original Phallic Hot Dog with Carrot Pickle Relish

go eat a carrot hot dog

Hot Dogs! Get Your Extra Long Phallic Hot Dogs Here!

Nothing says Phallic Food Diet better than the Original Phallic Hot Dog! Toasted bun smothered in mayo, topped with a crunchy carrot pickle relish. You’ll be surprised by how tasty this actually is. So don’t delay, put that extra long, hot juicy wiener shaped piece of meat in your mouth today.

More hot dog recipes to come all month! If you’d like to be featured for your big and tasty hot dog recipe send it on over to me and I’ll see what I can do with it.

The Original Phallic Dog with Carrot Pickle Relish Recipe

What You Need:

  • ½ cup shredded carrots 
  • ½ cup of pre-made pickle relish
  • Handful of pecans
  • 4 Extra long hot dogs
  • 4 Hot dog bun
  • Mayo

What You Do:

  • Make relish
  • Add ½ cup shredded carrots to ½ cut of pre-made pickle relish, throw in nuts if so desired.
  • Cook hot dogs according to package direction of your choice. 
  • Toast hot dog buns (optional)
  • Slather buns with mayo. Throw hot dogs on top of buns, top with the relish. Enjoy.
delicious hot dog recipes

For more Phallic Food Diet Recipes including other great party food ideas, check out my Crescent Wrapped Hot & Spicy Pickles.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Listen to my latest interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Tits on the Chubstep Podcast here

Shred That Carrot Salad with Chickpeas and Nuts

carrot chickpea salad

In Honor of Go Eat a Carrot’s Anniversary

Well, it’s almost Easter weekend yet again. For those of you who are new, Go Eat a Carrot originally formed right around this time, 3 years ago I believe. Crazy how time flies! The blog has definitely evolved, where it was originally a place for me to express any and all of my thoughts, particularly those thoughts evolving around sexuality and dating, it is now mostly used to showcase my Phallic Food Diet Recipes. 

This shredded carrot salad would make a great addition to any spring-time food gathering festivities you’ve got going on. It’s also one of those interchangeable recipes, feel free to change out the chickpeas, the nuts, the dried cherries, or the herbs with whatever you have on hand that you think would work well. 

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this delicious and healthy carrot salad recipe!

Shred That Carrot Salad with Chickpeas and Nuts Recipe

What You Need:

Dressing

  • 2 tablespoons of Olive oil
  • 2 teaspoon Dijon mustard
  • ½ teaspoon Garlic powder
  • Cayenne pepper
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Juice of ½ lemon
  • Tablespoon of Honey

For Salad:

  • About 5 carrot, shredded (or buy pre-shredded if you so choose) 
  • 1 can of chickpeas, drained
  • ½ cup pecans, rough chop optional
  • ¼ cup sunflower seeds
  • ¼ cup dried cherries
  • A handful of  fresh basil, tore up

What You Do:

Make the dressing– in a small bowl, whisk together all of the dressing ingredients. 

Make salad– in a medium-sized bowl (preferably one with a lid that you can put in the fridge), throw in the salad ingredients, stir it up a little bit, then toss the dressing over the top and stir some more until all is fully covered. Refrigerate until ready to eat. Can probably make a few hours or even a day ahead, though you can also just eat it right away if you so choose.

Enjoy!

For more Phallic Food Diet Recipes including other great party food ideas, check out my Crescent Wrapped Hot & Spicy Pickles.

Support Go Eat a Carrot on Patreon for fun food facts and just the tip–sex tips, and more! 

Listen to my latest interview all about the Phallic Food Diet and my new book, Corn Titson the Chubstep Podcast here