Learn How to Be Charming in One Easy Step
Get More People to Like You
The other day I pissed my roommate off and made the entire room feel real uncomfortable because I have no filter and can be completely tactless. She introduced me to a friend who had crashed the night before, I mentioned that I had already said hello to him but didn’t bother to ask his name because it seemed like an irrelevant thing to know.
She disagreed, said it was rude.
I agreed with her disagreement, but I still feel like it’s silly to learn someone’s name before knowing anything about them. Like, is this a piece of information that I need in my brain? My brain has only so much capacity for learning new things; it’s not necessarily a one in one out type of brain, but it’s pretty close to that.
According to a study by evolutionary psychology professor Robin Dunbar our brains have the capacity to remember about 150 people’s names and faces without a prompt, he says, “there is a cognitive limit to the number of individuals with whom any one person can maintain stable relationships.”
So when I meet new people I feel like they have to have something of value to replace someone else who already made it in that top 150.
This apparently is wrong.
I’m fine with being wrong sometimes.
I spent a good part of yesterday watching youtube videos on the psychology of people. Many of the videos were about how to get people to like you, how to be charming, or how to not be boring etc.
The information wasn’t mind-blowing, but it did get me thinking.
Why do we want people to like us?
It seems like the answer is actually pretty selfish. We want people to like us so we can get stuff from them.
We want them to give us attention, buy stuff from us, entertain us, give us support, stroke our egos, date us, love us.
Why? Because negativity = pain. When people don’t care about us it makes us feel shitty and no one likes to feel shitty. Even if we don’t know the other person and shouldn’t care what they think about us, most people would prefer the ‘like’ to the ‘dislike’ but either is better than indifference.
Isn’t it better to be hated than to not be thought about at all?
I know a lot of people who know me might be thinking, ‘out of all the people in the world giving others advice on charm perhaps you’re not the best for the job.’ And to those people I’d have to say, perhaps I just didn’t care to charm you?
Being charismatic is simple. All you have to do is make people feel good about who they already are, in other words, you put your own ego aside and pay attention to them.
This is why all the advice out there tells you to remember people’s names, because people get off on hearing their name spoken out loud. It’s really on you to decide if you want to make that sort of mental investment. It’s probably not going to hurt that much and you probably have plenty of space in your hard drive to remember a multitude of names, I mean 150 is a pretty big number. Most people fail because they’re lazy and really don’t care. I am one of those people, but I’ve decided to work on it.
If you’re still trying to get better at the whole name thing another tactic is to get them talking about stuff that they’re most passionate about. I’m not talking about where they work. I’m talking about the one thing they’re into that they won’t be able to shut up about. Everyone has at least one of those things. The more they talk, the more they will like you. It’s weird, but it works.
In the end, I’d suggest talking to someone wearing a dress or a skirt because then you won’t have to worry about charming their pants off since they aren’t actually wearing any.