Aka Get Off Your Phone and Get to Work
At Least Do Something if You Care At All
Most people don’t want to do the work that it takes to be in any kind of romantic relationship.
I mean, I get it, why have a deep connection with someone who cares about you, thinks you’re the whole world, would do anything for you (but not that), when you can just go out and have sex?
Yeeaaahhh. Casual sex is fun and all but it’s got nothing on love.
L. O. V. E.
Wtf is that anyway?
There was that Chris Rock stand-up where he explained it pretty well. Aka “If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t been in love.”
Now, perhaps that’s taking it too far, but I don’t know. It was in the moment after we had been fighting (well, after he kissed my roommate and tried to sleep with her when I was in the other room and then lied about it) when I walked through my kitchen, saw a knife sitting on the counter and paused for a second too long when I realized, “oh fuck, I might actually have fallen for that guy!”
Yet, then he really fucked it all up.
A series of texts transpired after which were full of apology etc. Now I’m a patient person. I can tolerate a lot of pain. I can even forgive a person for being a total and complete piece of shit, which is something I should maybe try unlearning. But here’s the thing. Actions must be taken.
If you fuck up a relationship by being a liar, a manipulator, a cheat etc. and you want that person back. Good fucking luck. You’re going to have to work your ass off. You’re going to have to make sacrifices to the goddesses. You’re going to have to quit being a lazy ass good-for-nothing mother fucker and do something.
This is the most important component that I think a lot of people who fuck up relationships miss.
You must shut your mouth, your words mean nothing at this point because your previous actions proved you otherwise untrustworthy.
You can no longer rely on a text apology. That’s not good enough. You must overcome your own ego and DO SOMETHING.
SOMETHING > NOTHING
ACTION > WORDS
This where things get confusing to a lot of people. They know that must take action but they have NO IDEA what kind of action to take.
Use your brains here. Get creative. The point is rebuilding. It’s like, not only did you tear your entire building down, but in the process, you created a major fucking hole too. Now you have to fill in the hole (and not with your dick…) AND build an entirely new building, that’s taller and shiner and all that shit.
Most people can’t do this. Either they didn’t really love that person that much or they’re lazy or both. We’re quite the throw-away society, not only do we have no respect for things anymore, now people are things and are thrown away all the same. We can do better. We can be more interesting than that.
If you’re struggling with figuring out some sort of action to take after you took some negative actions that made your relationship fail, don’t worry. I’ve made a list as a starting point to help you. Of course, this is mostly just stuff that I’d want, I don’t know who you fucked over or what they’re into, but perhaps this list can help spark your imagination and get you on that first step back into their good graces.
Here Are 12 Ways to Do Something That Could At Least Help You Maybe One Day Get Back What You Fucked Up
Say Anything style and stand outside their bedroom window blasting your song on a boombox (I’d suggest not the song he blasts because that song is kind of lame).
Write “I’m sorry” in their yard using a bunch of burritos or bacon or whatever food they love.
Write and mail them a love note every day. Every. Day.
Try flowers, nothing says romance like something that is so beautiful it will die in three days.
Try flowers again three days later because the other flowers are dead now and you don’t want them to think of your relationship that way.
Bottle up your tears and then let the other person make a nice clean (or dirty) martini from them.
Write and record them a song.
Send them a heart-shaped pizza.
Start seeing a therapist and work on yourself.
Buy them everything they want on their Amazon Wish List (or mine is fine with me).
Write them a poem or better yet, an entire book of poems.
Or if you’re terrible at poetry, write a long long LONG list of everything you love about them.
Is this helping at all? Getting some ideas? Okay cool. Maybe now quit reading this and GO DO SOMETHING about whatever it is you did. You’re welcome (and good luck).