Love, Anger, Boundaries
Learning to Let Go, Learning to Draw the Line
This morning I woke up with this Paula Abdul song stuck in my head:
“He’s a coldhearted snake lookin into his eyes
Oh, oh he’s been telling lies
He’s a lover boy at play
He don’t play by the rules oh, oh, oh
Girl don’t play the fool now”
Why did I wake up with this song in my head? Probably because my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something. It’s basically the most fitting song in the world for my current situation. My situation being that the guy I had been seeing prefers to play the villain than behave like an actual man. It’s unfortunate because I thought he was more interesting than that, but I should have known he was a snake when I picked him up.
Here’s something that I learned though.
This morning I read this post that said:
“Your anger is a sign that someone has crossed a boundary. Your anger will subside as soon as the space between the two of you is correct and appropriate again.”
Dudes, I was PISSED. Like, I was so mad I actually yelled and I never yell. (I mean, sometimes I talk really loudly when I’m drunk but that’s just because all my other friends talk really loudly and I am just trying to be heard.) Anyway. I could feel my blood boil. I could feel that feeling where you just want to scream and punch stuff and maybe stab a guy in the neck. Ha.
The anger came because he crossed my boundaries. I let him in too quickly. I let him get closer than I should have and he had done nothing to earn it. I gave him full access when I should not have.
It’s important to remember that not everyone gets to have full access. That people will continue to show you who they are. People also tell you who they are. How many times have you hung out with someone who says, “I’m an asshole!” And how do they always end up being? They end up being an asshole. This guy said he was Satan. So, there we go.
Each one of us has the power to allow people in or not, and to whatever degree if we do. It’s okay to be angry. The anger is telling you something. It’s telling you to act. To fix it. To draw a new line. After this, the anger will most likely reside because the person no longer is allowed to behave that way in your presence (or perhaps the new boundary is your new lack of presence in their life).
All in all, you get to decide whether or not you want to play with snakes or would rather have them slither up to someone else.
For me, well, I’ve never really been a snake person.