Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Can A Relationship Be Repaired When Trust is Broken?

Lies, Manipulation, and Love Built to Die

Or

There’s Good Reason Why So Many Of Us Have Built a Wall Around Ourselves

Recently I had my heart ripped out of my chest again. My best friend has told me on countless occasions that I trust people too easily. I know she is right, but I also have never been able to overcome this trait I have. Regardless of whether I’m making a new friend or developing a new romantic relationship, I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I trust them until they prove to otherwise be untrustworthy. This is not uncommon behavior, most of us do this. Why wouldn’t we do this? There has to be some faith in both the self and the other that the bonds that are being built are being built on solid honest ground.

And yet, it’s so interesting how quickly a good relationship can turn bad when that trust we hand over so easily shatters.

The question is, can it be repaired?

Of course, it can, we even can see examples in mainstream media every day, see Beyonce and Jay-Z, Hillary and Bill, etc.

The deeper question comes down to whether or not both parties involved really want to repair it.

Discover Fifty Shades Darker

When someone does something hurtful to someone else the person being hurt has to understand that this is not a reflection of who they are, but a question of who the other person doing the hurting is.

How good was the relationship prior to this pain? Are both of you willing to do the work to overcome it?

Of course, I can’t help but feel duped, humiliated, made to look stupid. The thought of going through those feelings again is enough to make me run far far away and never look back. It’s not that I can’t forgive him for his terrible behavior–I can. I’m questioning whether I can trust myself to give him another chance and risk going through all of those emotions again. I’m not a big fan of those emotions, who is? I think of what my friends would do, would say to me. I think of what I’d say to my friends if something similar happened to them and I know I’d tell them to tell the guy to “fuck off,” (which I actually did do, quite loudly at 5 am in the morning but that’s a digression).

I think of the future. I think, what if I forgive this guy and he does it again? Not only would I be mad at myself but I’d be embarrassed, ashamed for being so easily manipulated.

I don’t understand liars. I’ve always been way too honest, to a fault even. My lack of a filter has gotten me in trouble many many times, yet I prefer it to living any other way. Sometimes I forget how other people don’t do this. How other people so often lie to get what they want.

That’s the other thing that confuses me. Why lie to get what you want? And what benefit does it serve to lie to the person you like romantically? If you’re so comfortable with that that you’re no longer interested in being with them, why not just break it off? If you’re so bored that you want to be with someone else after a month why not just say “girl, bye?” If you want to do whatever you want and get away with it, why be in a relationship at all?

The thing is you can’t do whatever you want when you’re in relationships with other people. Not if you care about them anyway. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do the thing you don’t really want to do, whether it’s going to their company’s BBQ even though you hate all their coworkers, making breakfast even though you’re both dying of a hangover, or you know, not hitting on their roommate even if the roommate is so damn cool and fine. It’s called basic human decency. Relationships require that as a bare minimum.

So yeah, here I am, in kind of a conundrum.

There were so many good things happening and I miss that, I miss him, I miss us. Yet, I can’t be with a liar. I can’t be with someone who does whatever he wants with no regard for the other person. If he can prove that that is not who he is at his core (or his surface even). If he could actually do the work, show real remorse and take positive action to repair all this then maybe.

Yet, then again, maybe I’m too easy and need to learn how to be a bit “more hard”.

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2 thoughts on “Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: Can A Relationship Be Repaired When Trust is Broken?

  1. I understand all of the feelings you expressed. I have a scenario I would like to share. My last relationship was a rollercoaster of emotion because of the baggage my ex refused to let go of from her broken marriage. Admittedly I only heard her side of the story of her marriage so all of the brokeness was her ex-husband’s fault. He cheated on her numerous times, hid money or purchases, had a p.o. box for his secret communications etc.. As the relationship between us went on I started having my doubts about where all the blame for their marriage falling apart really origionated. Im getting abit off track here….As the relationship between she and myself went along I realized there was nothing I could do about her trust issues. Though I did not give her any reason to not trust me, it seemed as though she would project her broken marriage issues on to our relationship. Though she stated she was a very trusting person I found myself being tested in really strange ways. Twisting words or statements that I would make into bizarre accounts or questioning how long it took for me to drive from my house to hers. The constant questioning finally broke me. Though I tried to understand she had been hurt by her divorce, there was nothing I could do to convince her I was not the same person her ex husband was. Nor was our relationship the same as their marriage…I feel like Im rambling a bit so Ill end by saying this, take your time getting to know yourself again. Enjoy your new relationship with your vibrator(lucky vibrator😝) you and your next partner will be glad you did. Each broken relationship needs sufficient time to really heal regardless of who is to blame for the demise…..This sounds like unsolicted advice and I apologize for that. Its meant to be a statement of empathy and then relating my experience and healing process. I enjoy your blog and IG posts and look forward to your future posts. Best wishes for the satisfaction and joy your future holds. 😀

    1. Thanks for sharing. Just seeing this comment for some reason so sorry for the delay. People and projection, I have to watch myself because I’ve been known to do it too. I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting it though, which I think is a pretty good skill to have.

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