Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: My Embarrassing First Kiss Story

 

The First Time Isn’t Always the Best Time

Or

Real Life True Story of a First Kiss

As many of you know, I’m back home in the lovely oppressively humid state of Kansas. I’ve been getting out and about and my adventures have brought so many memories to the surface. I thought it would only be fair to share some stories that proved I was not always an expert in (and out) of the bedroom.

Coolest Memory Foam Mattress

Since today is all about telling some truth, I want to tell you about my first kiss.

I wish I had my journals here with me because I’m pretty sure I made it sound SUPER romantic, slightly cheesy, very cute.

Here’s what I remember.

I was 15 (I know, I was old for a first kiss, but I was also quite picky about boys as a teenager). It was late fall, I had been “going out” with a guy for a couple of weeks, let’s call him M. There was some evening teen activity at the high school that we were all at. Somehow M and I snuck away. We walked down to the nature trail behind all the buildings. This was the trail the science teachers used to teach us about the birds and the bees and stuff.

Well, we had our own way of learning about . . . stuff.

We held hands.

Sweaty hands.

We hiked through it until we were right in the middle where no one could see us.

The stars could see us.

The moon could see us.

The Gods could see us.

And we could see them.

I was nervous. I knew what was going to transpire. My best friend had gotten an earlier start, which pissed me off because she was supposed to be the goody-goody and I was supposed to be the rebel. There was no time to waste. It had to be right then.

We turned to face each other. We both stood there like assholes. He leaned in. I leaned in. The world leaned in.

Male Sex Toys 728X90

Our lips were touching!

Wow.

He pulled me closer.

Our tongues were touching.

Oh, my!

There was at least one or two twirls of our tangoing tongues.

He pulled back.

I pulled back.

The world pulled back.

“That’s what all the hype is about?” I thought.

He took my hand and we walked back to the school.

Everyone knew.

They could see it on our faces.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

You’re waiting for the embarrassing part, aren’t you?

Fffinnneee. Here it goes. We were Freshman when this first kiss thing happened. We broke up maybe a week or two after the incident but remained sex-tension friends for the remainder of high school. I’ll always remember M as the only man who ever sent me flowers. Seriously. In my entire life, he was the only one and I think he jinxed me. I broke up with him one evening, then the next day at school I got flowers delivered to me. Turns out he had already ordered them and couldn’t cancel the delivery. The card read, “I love you.”

I was horrified.

Anyhoo. I digress.

Years later, senior year to be exact. We’re fight-flirting as per usual. We’re all reminiscing about all our years spent together in that shit hole school. I’m not exactly sure how it even comes up, but in front of our entire group of friends, M, tells everyone that the night we first kissed, MY FIRST KISS, I kissed him, “like a fish.”

LIKE A FISH.

I KISSED LIKE A FISH.

I had NO IDEA! I thought it was a decent first kiss. I thought I had it ALL figured out. I thought I was queen of the lip smack patty whack. Princess of the pucker. I could not have been further from that truth.

And maybe he was already a little pick-up-artist. Perhaps he was feeding on my weaknesses. Could have been he knew I hated to lose or to be bad anything, but I turned to him and said, “Well, I don’t kiss like that anymore.”

Did I prove him wrong?!? Only the birds and the bees know the answer to that.

Become a Go Eat A Carrot Patron on Patreon!

Follow me on all the Social Media

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook

Show support by purchasing something for me from my Amazon Wish List (I’ll review whatever gets sent my way!)

Need Toys? Here Are Links to My Top 3 Favorite Brands:

Tantus

We-Vibe

Lelo

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Tits Out Truth Bombs Tuesday: My Embarrassing First Kiss Story

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s