How Do You Have Sex Without a Penis?

Penis Not Penetrating Properly?

or

38 Ways to Have Sex Without a Penis

Wait?! You can have sex without a penis? How is it possible? What is sex if not penis-penetrating-the vagina-intercourse? That’s the only way right?

Wrong.

Wrong.

Very very wrong.

Do you not have a penis? Do you have a very small penis? Do you have a penis that for some reason doesn’t work? Do you have an average to large penis but are sexually curious and want to find out other things you could do that do not just involve your penis?

Well, you’re in luck!

Here is a long list of options (feel free to add anything I have forgotten in the comment!):

38 Different Ways to Have Sexual Relations

  1. Cunnilingus (aka eat that pussy)
  2. Analingus (aka eat that asshole)
  3. Put one finger in the pussy
  4. Put two fingers in the pussy
  5. Put three fingers in the pussy
  6. Put four fingers in the pussy
  7. Put five fingers in the pussy
  8. Put your whole fucking fist in the pussy
    (feel like I’m writing a song here)
  9. Put one finger in the butthole
  10. Put two fingers in the butthole
  11. Put three fingers in the butthole
  12. Put four fingers in the butthole
  13. Put five fingers in the butthole
  14. Put your whole fucking fist in the butthole
  15. Do some sort of finger/fist pussy/butthole combo (I’m not going to write out every combination here, you have your own imagination).
  16. Lick the nipples
  17. Pinch the nipples
  18. Nibble the nipples
  19. Makeout with each others faces
  20. Lick any part of the body you’re into, ear, elbow, knees, toes, whatever
  21. Give a massage
  22. Beat each other up with floggers, or whips, or chains, or crops
  23. Rub your bodies against each other
  24. Rub your genitals against each other
  25. Rub your nipples against each other
  26. Stick your tongue up their nose (this happened to me once, it was weird)
  27. Use a dildo
  28. Use a vibrator
  29. Use an anal plug
  30. Use anal beads
  31. Use a Hitachi
  32. Use an ice cube
  33. Use a double-ended dildo (there are holes in every person)
  34. Turn a carrot into a dildo (or whatever food you’re into)
  35. Stick your nipples in a two chocolate mousse pies (IDK now I’m just being ridiculous)
  36. Incorporate food in other sexy ways (aka eating sandwiches in bed while watching your favorite netflix shows)
  37. Gaze into each other’s eyes
  38. Slowly rub your hands up and down your partner’s back until they get chills and ejaculate all over themselves

Do I really have to keep going here? You get the picture, yeah? Penis penetration is not the only way to have sex, in fact, it might not even always be the BEST way to have sex. The BEST way to have sex is to communicate with your partner (or partners) about what you want, what you enjoy, what gets you off. Then do what you both consent to and what you both enjoy. Ta-da!

No penis required.

Small penises allowed.

Average to large penises, you can do these things too.

You are all fucking welcome.

P.S.
Go eat a carrot. Or a peach. Or a butthole. Whatevs.

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