Dick Down. Carrots Out. Do Not Engage.
How the Size Of Your Dick Does Not Make You A Decent Person
The other day I received yet another direct message from a stranger on Instagram. The message was rather funny (about the phallic diet I am currently on) and the guy sending it did not have a private account so I could tell he was a real person. Plus, we had like 5 mutual friends in the Boulder/Denver area; I thought, what the heck, I’ll give this conversation a shot.
The first thing he felt the need to talk to me about was his dick size.
I’d like to stop for a second and make a sweeping generalization about dudes who talk about their dicks to complete strangers on the internet.
Has anyone else ever noticed that is is almost always white dudes and it is almost always white dudes who supposedly have a dick that is at least 7.5 inches if not bigger? I’ve never had a dude message me that he had a 5.37-inch long dick. Is this just something big dicked dudes desire to do more than anyone else, brag about something on their body that could cause potential cervical damage or even brain damage to any woman involved?
Anyhoo. I honestly didn’t even care about that. I thought the conversation was kind of funny. But then he flipped.
He went cray cray.
And now the thing he was most paranoid about happening is happening.
I am here blogging/vlogging about him.
For hours he continued to converse with me about sex stuff and how he likes to eat strawberry pie–which turns out to be a reference to ginger-haired pussy I guess. Then abruptly he accused me of only interacting with him so I could make a video about it later.
The idea hadn’t even occurred to me until he said it. I didn’t find him that interesting or worthwhile to discuss.
But, he wouldn’t let it go. He was convinced that I was going to make fun of him and smash his tiny little ego. So here I am making fun of him and destroying his ego.
Here’s the deal, dudes (and ladies). If you’ve never met me and you’re afraid if you interact with me I might talk about it on the internet and you don’t want me to talk about you on the internet, here’s a friendly suggestion–do not engage me.
This dude was like, “if I went and talked about you on the internet wouldn’t that bother you? I think what you’re doing is shitty.”
My question is– are you going to tag me in the post? Because I could use some more followers.
I told him if he didn’t like it he could just stop talking to me. And I guess he didn’t like it because he unfollowed me and blocked me on Instagram, which honestly I feel rather flattered about.
Anyway here’s a video blog where I discuss dick size aka carrot stick size. What’s your preference?