I Was Wrong Again: Thoughts on Love and Loss

I’ve never really understood love, perhaps that’s why I haven’t found it?

or

Maybe love has been here all along?

Yes, I admit I was wrong. Yet,  also, I wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t that I was right either, it just is what it is. I was angry and hurt and didn’t react in a loving way but from a place of fear. Maybe it was the fear that I may never be in a loving relationship with another person ever again in my life. Then I, of course, remembered that I will ALWAYS be in a loving relationship and least with myself and the universe as a whole.

The most important thing I took away from this past hot-mess mini-relationship is how good it feels to be one’s whole self. When you put that into the world you’ll get it in return. People may not love the whole of me (or even the holes of me), there are times when I myself don’t love certain things about me, but I love that I’m growing and learning and trying a little bit harder every day.

I love that I have the capability to love someone else and through these experiences I am learning how to do that without attachment. I’m clearly not perfect at it. It’s easy to love another person when they’re doing and saying all the right things, but can you love them when they’re being an asshole too? Can you love them when they don’t want to love you back? Can you give them the space they need to be their best possible version of themselves even if it doesn’t include you?

I can do this whole loving thing alone (thank you vibrators!) but it’s way more fun to do it with other people. I’m grateful that so many people have taught me so many things about who I am, who they are, what love is and isn’t, and I’m excited for new possibilities to unfold–as they always do.

Also. I found the clip from Adaptation.

“I loved Sarah Charles. It was mine. I owned it. And Sarah didn’t have the right to take it away.  I can love whoever I want.”

“But she thought you were pathetic.”

“That was her business not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you.”

Own it.

P.S. I love pizza so feel free to send some my way whenever you want.

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2 thoughts on “I Was Wrong Again: Thoughts on Love and Loss

  1. Experienced something similar recently. That question you asked about if you could love someone when they’re mean and don’t love you back. It’s really hard. And now it looks like all my love professions were shallow but because they were unrequited, I started withdrawing as a result. But a friend of mine once told me that love is a decision. So I made the decision to love his flaws and everything about him even though we might never be as close as we once were …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing. I do think that there’s a difference between loving someone regardless of their flaws and loving someone who is like abusive or cruel. Some behavior should not be tolerated. We all have off days but it is within those off days that a deeper growth happens, perhaps?

      Liked by 1 person

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