Dick Size v. Height: An Argument In Inches

does dick size matter

Would you rather be tall or have a big dick?

Or

Does dick size or height size really matter in the end?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have a blog called Go Eat A Carrot, and because it’s a play on the male genitalia I get a lot of requests to talk about dick size. At the same time, I am also on Tinder and I see a lot of bio profiles with lines like, “5’9 since that seems to matter,” or “taller than you in heels,” or “5’10, 7” in heels,” etc etc. So, I want to take a minute to unpack some size issues, both the issues of height and the issues of dick size.

Read an earlier opinion Does Dick Size Matter? Here.

Let’s imagine for a second that the Size Goddess Fairy appeared before you and offered you two extra inches. Would you take those inches and make yourself taller, would you give yourself (or your lover) two inches more dick, or would you say fuck you, I’m perfect just the way I am?

I’m going to make a bold statement right now and say you’re perfect just the way you are.

Here’s why.

Whatever you have to work with you can always make it work both for yourself and for your lovers.

Sure, it’s scientifically proven that taller people are more successful, smarter, and make way more money than short people but could we admit for a second that along with the possibility of biological animalistic attraction it is also culturally conditioned?

Perhaps this is a mistake to say out loud because when I do I will have much more competition in this arena, but if you are a person who is attracted to men I suggest right now that you don’t discount the short guys.

It’s a pretty big secret shared only amongst the sex-positive sluts of the world that quite often short guys not only have big dicks but big personalities. They have learned to compensate for their lack of height by learning to become well-rounded people and not just assholes who get by on their looks alone.

Stereotypical mainstream “hot” people are quite often not that great in the bedroom or in conversation either. (This is not ALWAYS true, but it a closer to the truth.)

Also tall guys do not ALWAYS have big dicks. I would say that out of all the tall guys I’ve fucked only two have had super big dicks and all the others were moderate, sometimes even small.

Not that dick size matters. I mean, there are like 532 things you can do sexually that do not involve a penis at all.  

What does matter is Big Dick Energy (BDE). Whether you’re male or female, tall or short, anyone can have Big Dick Energy. What it comes down to is confidence and assertiveness and an acceptance of who you are and what you have to offer to the world.

So maybe in the end, when the Size Goddess Fairy asks you where you want the two extra inches you can just apply it to your Big Dick Energy instead.

Birthday Reflections: Getting Around

on aging

It is My Birthday.

I Am Still Here.

Today is my birthday and I am happy to be alive. I haven’t always been happy to be alive, particularly on my birthday.

In fact, the last two birthdays I was super depressed and dreaded the fact that my birthday existed at all. I did a lot of crying out of a sort of pain and emptiness.

But, I’ve been working on filling myself back up; today I cried for a moment too, not out of pain but because of all the beauty in this world.

As I reflect back on my 34 years on this planet I am in awe that I have made it this far.

And more than awe I am in a deep state of gratitude for all that I have and all that I’ve shared with so many amazing people on this planet.

I recently matched with this Dude-Bro-PUA(pick-up artist)-Troll on Tinder who ended up calling me all sorts of hateful names when I called him out on his behavior. One name he called me was “old,” which is funny on all sorts of levels. One, he was like 2 years younger than me. Two, I’m only 34. People live to like over a hundred these days. 34 is nothing in the grand scheme of what we experience as time.

Of course, because my birthday was coming up, that particular adjective stuck with me more than the others. There is truth in it too. There is a bit of pain in it as well. Yes, I am old. I am older than I was yesterday even. Yet, if I wasn’t this old I may not be as wise as my former self who would have probably hate-fucked that guy just to “teach him a lesson.”

Yeah, no, I am all of my former selves and also none of them.

I believe it was Sandra Cisneros who wrote in House of Mango Street (though I could be wrong because I couldn’t find it), “When you turn five you are also still four and three and two and one.”

Something like that.

I feel like we often don’t look at it that way. For example, I may be 34 but there could be times when the five-year-old me comes out or the 21 year old etc etc.

Because we are a collection of our experiences and yet we are also not. They shape us but they do not make us. We make ourselves. There is a core to us all, an essence if you will. A lot of our experiences shade that essence and then we try to hide the core of who we are to avoid pain. Yet, that avoidance is pain. The pain is still there. The hiding, the mask, causes more suffering than the pain. Better to just face the pain and return to the lightness of your being–if you will.

There is also pain in the realization that each moment we live we are one breath closer to death. Yet, this is only for people who subscribe to the linear version of time. All of those moments of my life and your life still exist somewhere in time. Death is just another unfolding of our experience on earth. The earth will continue on and so will the essence of who we are.

Maybe.

Who knows for certain.

In any event, my life so far has been filled with some of the most amazing people on this planet and if you’re reading this you are probably one of them, so thank you for being you. Even if I don’t like you, thank you because it’s just a reflection of something I don’t like about myself — and all I can do is grow from that discomfort.

So yeah, I’m old.

Fuck yes. It feels good to get old. To have all of this time to explore myself and the world around me. To have breakdowns and breakups; moments of pure joy and connectivity, moments of weakness, anger, fear, to feel a sense of peace, to know it will all work out even when it’s not working out, to feel a part of the universal unfolding and not separate from it or competing with it. Plus, to have all this gratitude and love and sex and good beer and everything and nothing.

Cheers to being old.

See my in my original outfit aka my Birthday Suit AND hear my Birthday Suit song when you become a patron on PatreonLowest tier is just $1. Don’t you want to give a girl a $1 for her birthday?!

3 Things for Singles to Do On Valentine’s Day 

singe on valentines day

Valentine’s Day Ideas for Singles

For many singles, Valentine’s Day brings up a lot of gross feelings such as loneliness, despair, sadness. Those feelings are valid. Feel the feelings, but note that they too shall pass. Love is all around and already deep within. Here are a few ways to feel that love even more this Valentine’s Day–or any day of the year for that matter.

Learn the best thing about being single in this video.

3 Ways to Enjoy Valentine’s Day When You’re Single

1. Give Love Back

For the past three years my best friend and I have made Valentine’s Day cards and have gone out on the streets of Denver to pass them and candy out to strangers walking by. Every year we’re amazed by the responses. People light up, they smile, they gush, they ask to take pics with us. For us it’s about giving back a bit of love to everyone regardless of who they are because we all deserve it, we are all worth it. So, if you’re feeling down one idea is to give back to others, whether you volunteer at a homeless shelter or volunteer to walk dogs or babysit for your couple friend who want a night out on the town, whatever style of giving you choose it’s a pretty powerful way to get out of your own head and see that love is all around you.

Valentine's shop

Get Free Tracked Shipping from Lovehoney when you spend $60!

2. Love Yourself All Night Long

Self-love takes work. Just like it takes work to love others except often it’s much harder because we have to live with ourselves every moment of every day. I don’t know about you, but I have been known to get on my own nerves from time to time.

That being said, I also love myself. It’s fun to take a night and do things that make you feel good. Pamper the shit out of yourself.

Cook yourself a nice meal, drink a glass of wine or three, go get a massage or take a hot bath (add a herbal tea mix or bath bomb to the water to really treat yourself), write down your hopes and dreams, make one of those vision boards, read a good book (This is How You Lose Her, Jitterbug Perfume, O’ Pioneers I can go on and on), masturbate with a nice lube, maybe splurge and buy yourself a new toy, light a candle or two. Do you boo boo, you deserve it.

Check out my list of the Best Sex Toys for Men here.

or

Discover the Best Sex Toys for Any Budget here.

3. Express Your Gratitude

Valentine’s Day is a great time to reflect back on all that you have. Why not get a group of single friends together and celebrate how wonderful it is to be in each others lives? Make fancy cocktails or collaborate on a new project together (or both). If your friends are far away write them a letter that says how much they mean to you. This works with family members too. It’s never a bad time to say something good about someone dear to you. It might be just what they needed to hear or just what you needed to say to have a more joyful day.

Anyway, you go I hope you have a lovely holiday. I’ll be handing out Valentine’s on the streets of Denver as per usual. Perhaps I’ll see you out and about!

Join us on Patreon to get Go Eat a Carrot Exclusives. Including artistic nudity, erotica readings, and so much more!

Enneagrams, Russian Doll, and Killing Yourself

killing the self

A Mental Health Update

Yesterday I went to a therapist for the first time in my entire life.

I’ve been overcoming depression on and off for about twenty years give or take. It’s not that I’ve ever necessarily been afraid to go to therapy. I tell strangers my problems all the time over the internet. I’ve always thought that I could work through everything myself, I thought I was strong enough, that comparatively my problems were nothing.

Well, a few things happened all at once to finally get me to make the call. First, I ended yet another toxic relationship. Then, I went to Planned Parenthood after the end of this toxic relationship and discovered my pH balance in my vagina was off. Shock shock. Not a big deal. This happens to women all the time, we just tend to keep it to ourselves. They put me on antibiotics and thus for the last week I have not been drinking. I’ve instead been filling my time with a lot of reading and a lot of Netflixing.

Broad City Collection

One of the many books I’ve been plowing through is a book about Understanding the Enneagrams. At first, I thought this whole thing was going to be bullshit but bullshit can be entertaining. Initially, I was drawn to it from a writer’s perspective to better understand the motivations behind different people’s actions and reactions. Enneagrams divide people into 9 different personality types that continue to get more complicated and nuanced as you learn more.

As I was reading it I found that people I know fit within certain numbers perfectly. Like the guy I fell for most recently was an unhealthy 3; no self-worth thus manipulates and deceits people until he brings them down to his level. I found myself too. I’m an 8. The Challenger. The Challenger rises from a loss of innocence that can then manifest itself in lustful ways.

Fast forward.

I’m binge-watching Russian Doll on Netflix. I love Natasha Lyonne and Chloe Sevigny. I stick with it even though it starts off as this Groundhog’s Day-esque format of which makes me go mad. Yet, I put my anxiety on hold.

There was something quite powerful with this show even though the repetition of repeating the same day can make a person crazy, which is exactly the point, right? You keep getting thrown these same situations over and over because you’ve never solved the problem you were meant to solve.

The only difference is that our patterns come back with different masks, we don’t get a do-over. (I will not go down the rabbit hole of alternative dimensions today because that just gets complicated.)

Anyway, so we can see the main character repeating the same patterns within the same time frame of a day, day after day, but it’s just the same as us waking up day after different day and getting to try again.

At the end, she is finally confronted with her loss of innocence. She has no where else to go and must take the steps to overcome the pain of her past. She has to kill the part of herself that she no longer the needs. The part of herself that has been trying to protect her all of these years but has instead started to do the opposite. This is not a physical death. It is a letting go.  

Is this character an enneagram 8? Most def.  

Is this all just coincidentally unfolding right here right now for me? Nah. It’s time.

It’s time for me to take proactive steps to stop my pattern that are holding me back.  Sure, I’m strong, but I’m stronger now because I can admit that I can’t do everything on my own.

Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas For All Kinds

valentines day gifts

Discover These Unique Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas

Sexy, Romantic, or Cute: Valentine’s Day Gifts

No matter if you’re shopping for a lover, friend, or yourself, discover these Valentine’s Day gift ideas as you celebrate the season of love.

Rev Up The Sexy

Sure, you could select erotic lacy lingerie or you could step it up a notch with a sex toy (or 12) guaranteed to keep the orgasms a coming.

There are so many options on the market these days from couples toys to male masturbators to clitoral vibrators, it would be hard to go wrong, especially if you’re picking from the high-end companies like Lelo, We-Vibe, Fun Factory etc.

If you really want to go all kinked out and have a bunch of extra cash just hanging around (lucky you) Lelo has this pretty amazing Anniversary Gift Set full of a dozen of crazy high-end contraptions that comes in its own suitcase (including handcuffs, impact toys, and vibrators).

If $1900 is out of your price range there are two other Pleasure Set options that look like a ton of fun.

Explore the Kit and other Lelo Products here. (Plus Lelo is offering 25% off and a free gift on your order this month.)

Pour Your Heart Out

Or hire someone else to do it for you. What’s more romantic than a customized poem? With Abigail Mott Poetry select a topic of your choice, fill her in on some of the juicy details of your love life and she’ll use her vintage typewriter to create words that that will capture the inner workings of your soul. What better way to express your deepest feelings?!

These poems also make great wedding gifts, friend gifts, or even gifts for your mother.

Order your specialized poem here.

Get Tipsy With It

This one is simple, cute, and delicious. Buy your special someone their favorite beer and write a note on it that says, “Will You Beer My Valentine?”

Of course, if you don’t have a special someone you can just buy some beer for yourself and enjoy a night of lowered inhibitions and warm fuzzy thoughts.

This Portable Beer Dispenser could be a nice addition to the beer if you’re looking to up-level the drinking experience.

Shop for it here.

Whatever you do this Valentine’s Day I hope it’s filled with love, at the very least for yourself. If you’d like to share some love with me and get exclusives you won’t find anywhere else come join us on Patreon.

Imbolc: Drink a Milkshake & Celebrate Halfway to Spring!

imbolc wiccan

Witchy Ways: WTF is Imbolc?

A Quick Look at the Wiccan Celebration of Imbolc

Imbolc is here! One thing I do love about living in this world is the number of holidays that exist, particularly when you embrace them all instead of being uptight about just one being the “truth.”

You can get away with it too, at least with perfect strangers. They’re not going to know you’re not Jewish. Or you’re not Buddhist. Or you’re not a Satanist. So, why not throw a little party every time someone somewhere is celebrating something? Why leave yourself out? As Drake and Fiona Apple and the Buddha all say, “YOLO.”

I apologize for the yolo-ing. I know that’s so 2011. And if you’ve been yolo-ing since 2011 you’re probably dead by now. But we’ll skip that joke for now.

Anyway, today is a very special day, today marks the Gaelic traditional Wiccan festival of celebration Imbolc that runs from tonight through tomorrow (February 1-2). It’s a holiday that celebrates the midway point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox.

According to The Celtic Connection:

“Imbolc means in the belly of the mother because that is where seeds are beginning to stir as it is Spring.”

Culturally, in Ireland (and the surrounding areas), this was (and is) a time of the lambing season where herd animals give birth or are on the way to giving birth to new offspring.  

Imbolc is a time to celebrate new beginnings. It’s like a mini spring cleaning before a spring cleaning– this can be with your physical objects or with the letting go of bullshit that no longer serves you.

What I find so interesting about these pagan/Wiccan holidays is the fact that our culture has basically stolen all of them and then rebranded them.

We all know this is true with regards to Christmas and Halloween etc. but I’m saying any holiday you can think of can be traced back to other origins that are not originally Christian in nature. I’m not saying it’s wrong for Christians to take their own spin on celebrating the seasons etc. but I will say that they aren’t nearly as good at it and their branding is mediocre in comparison to some of these other ones.

For example. Imbolc is also referred to as Brigit’s Day, Brigit [Brighid] being the Celtic Fire Goddess “patron of smithcraft, healing, midwifery, and poetry.

During Imbolc:

“Brighid’s snake emerges from the womb of the Earth Mother to test the weather.”

This is the origin of Groundhog’s Day.

No offense to the groundhogs but a snake emerging from the womb to test the weather is WAY more badass. Like, can you picture Snake Womb’s Day–the movie? I can only imagine what kind of action-packed sex-fueled weird creepy shit would happen in that. (Starry a red-headed Irish witch, please and thank you.)

Another amazing thing about Imbolc is that one of the main ways you celebrate is by eating food, specifically all the dairy products. The dairy is supposed to symbolize fertility and abundance. So someone bring me an ice cream cake already. Or at least a grilled cheese.

Anyhoo. I’m actually pretty new to all of this stuff, but I feel like I should celebrate anyway since I discovered it. And this is America where you can celebrate everyone else’s holidays as an excuse to celebrate celebrating.

And to be honest I lean way closer in ideology to that which is more connected to nature and our connection to nature, so the discovery of Imbolc pleases me.

I have already started by rearranging my bedroom and going through stuff I no longer need or want. And this morning I went and got a pumpernickel everything bagel* with cream cheese (seeds, bread, dairy, for the win). Later I will light some candles and maybe take a milk and honey bath.

I know it probably doesn’t feel anywhere close to being spring if you’re currently dealing with the polar vortex over yonder across this beautiful country of ours. But, my friends, we’re halfway there–just hold on to your ridiculous amount of layers for a little bit longer. Soon we’ll be where the flowers are abloom and the milk runneth over and the birds are singing sweet sweet tunes from the green green trees.

Now let’s lick some cream to celebrate that!

Discover Fifty Shades Darker

*I have a random story regarding a person that works at the bagel shop + golden showers that I have posted on Patreon for Freaky Fan Friday. 

It’s only a dollar to join at this level and I try to do a Freaky Fan Friday video every week (I miss one occasionally). Anyway, it’s a nice way to show your support of this blog so I can keep writing this blog not have to go work at the bagel shop with pee boy.

You can also show your support by buying me something to review off of my Amazon Gift List. It is my birthday month after all (Feb 16). I’ve added some new lingerie as I’m doing Valentine’s Day colors for Patreon exclusives each week.

I also don’t mind words of encouragement if that’s something you’re into and would rather spend your money on yourself, I understand that.

This would be a nice gift to buy one’s self for a little self-love during this love and fertility season. It vibrates! I’m sure we’re all wondering the same thing here. . . I mean I have one that doesn’t vibrate and it’s already pretty orgasmic when I roll my back out.

I’ve added the link to it on Amazon here; shopping–it’s how we do holidays best. Happy Imbolc. Happy Love month.

Mistakes Were Made: A Sexual Health Confession

sexual health

A Sexual Health Update

Or

I Made a Whore-able Decision

I must make a confession.

I didn’t quit the sociopath when everyone thought that I had.

I mean I did. But then he seeped back into my life.

That’s right, seeped.

I thought I was in love with him. Turns out he was a master manipulator, a pathological liar, and of course, a narcissist (they always seem to go together don’t they?). I’m not going to go into more detail quite yet but needless to say, he was seeing multiple women on a regular basis and banging everything else that moved in front of him–without a condom.  

Usually I am adamant about condom use.

I failed.

I am not perfect.

Of course, I was upset that he fucked with my mind, my emotions, my spirit, but I was really pissed off that he compromised my sexual health.

It’s been two weeks, which is the amount of time it takes for the most common STIs to form in the body. At Planned Parenthood today I peed into a cup to test for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis, this takes a week to get back the results. So here we wait. The other sexually transmitted diseases like syphilis as an example, take around three months to form in the body, so we wait some more.

I also had an HIV finger-poke blood test. I am, thankfully, HIV negative.

Finally, I received a vaginal swab exam. That is when they stick the metal duck bills inside you then take a giant q-tip and swirl it around after which they then analysis under the microscope. They’ve started warming up the metal duck bills and I’ll tell you right now, I prefer them cold. That was a bizarre sensation.

So, what did the doctor find when she looked under the microscope?

I bet a few of you smart cookies can guess.

That’s right. BV. Bacterial Vaginosis. An overgrowth of bacteria found in the vagina. Basically, my pH balance is off. This can occur really easily in women. It can occur even easier if the woman has multiple partners. Or in my circumstance, if the man she’s sleeping with has multiple partners and doesn’t wash his dirty dick. (If you stick your penis into one vagina and then hours later stick it in another, you’re going to transfer some unwanted stuff around. Science.)

So, my male readers, I behoove you, I beg you, if you’re going to be a slut, be an ethical one and take a fucking shower between your conquests. (Please, also, don’t refer to them as conquests). Also, we should all wear condoms, but since I am not the poster-child for this and have failed at doing the one thing I preach, I am writing it more for myself than for you, my reader.     

This is not the sexiest of sex topics, but sexual health is vital for one’s physical and mental and spiritual well-being. I would have preferred to not talk about this at all, but I also believe in transparency and this is my current state of being.

I made a mistake by having unprotected sex with someone I trusted (that I should not have trusted) and that’s on me.

I got out of it pretty lucky, to be honest. This will go away in a week and isn’t even an STI, just an annoying imbalance.  

The nurse practitioner said something along the lines of “we’ll get rid of that bad bacteria once and for all.” For a second I thought she was talking about the guy and I guess in a way she was.

He will no longer be seeping back into my life that’s for sure.

Sometimes the lessons we learn are hard. Or come from a hard place. Either way, starting with a clean slate, 7 days of antibiotics and no drinking. I’ll be so fresh, like basically a virgin again. Sometimes better things come to those who wait.

Uncuffed and Alone: An Exercise to Help You Get More (And Better) Dates

tips for better dating

A Tip for Better Dating

Love, Romance, And The Art of Being

So, you survived the holiday season as a single entity. January has been alright since everyone is all about getting healthy and transforming into a new ‘you’ blah blah. But, the season of love approaches and your dating life has seen better days.

I’m going to offer a simple exercise to add to your daily life to potentially improve your dating life, because just like one would do crunches in order to strengthen their ab muscles one must also actively exercise their social skills.

I’m not going to tell you to delete your dating apps or to learn to love yourself more, I think both of those suggestions lean on the bullshit side of things.

Sure, dating apps can be discouraging, to say the least, but they are but one resource, one tool, in the world of romance and you might as well use all that you have, right? Because you never know. You definitely won’t know if you don’t try.

Male Sex Toys 300x250

I also want to take a minute to unpack the concept of “learning to love yourself more.”

I mean, is wanting to have a meaningful relationship with another person keeping you from loving yourself? No.

Are you living your life doing the things you want to do?

Are you working on your own personal growth and development in the best way you can?

Because here’s the thing, we all do the best we can at the place that we’re at. Some days are going to better than other days. Some days you might be hard on yourself or be annoyed with yourself but that doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself enough.

What right does anyone else have to tell you how much love you have for yourself?

It’s sort of like when someone suggests that you “just be yourself,” as if that means anything, as if it was possible to somehow transform suddenly into another body with another personality.

If people were really trying to give you some good advice, the best advice would be to cut the “yourself” from the phrase and to suggest that you “just be.”

To be present in the moment that you are in and to not attach yourself so severely to your thoughts or your emotions.

Do you remember a time when you were angry or joyful or afraid? You can feel how that feeling felt but you also know that it’s a memory and you weren’t stuck in that feeling for your entire life. In that sense, when feelings arise in the present you can remember that they will not necessarily stick around either. This is an important skill to have in not just your dating life but life in general and is a much better suggestion than learning to love yourself more.

But, I digress.

Here’s a simple exercise to add to your everyday life. When you venture out into the world, try for the next couple of weeks to engage in conversation with at least 3 random people every day. I’m talking complete strangers–old ladies, kids, teachers, baristas, neighbors, friends of friends etc.

No, it doesn’t count to say, ‘how are doing’ to the guy at 711 every morning when you buy your doughnut or whatever, that’s just being a decent human being. I am suggesting a short dialogue involving at least one question that requires an answer beyond “fine.”

I know that this task may sound daunting to some people. Start with talking to one random person and go from there if three overwhelms you, but let me breakdown why this exercise has the potential to help your dating life.

Talking to strangers opens up connections. Suddenly, you and the people you interact with will feel a little less alone in the world. It’s a small act that contains much larger consequences. It’s recognizing our humanity. It’s a way to push yourself out of your comfort zone and break the invisible wall that we all often put up while in public spaces. It’s a way to be more engaged in your surroundings. It’s a way to make you an active participant in your own life, to write your own script instead of just watching your story unfold like a passive consumer.

Plus, you never know who you might meet. Once you’re at ease talking to someone else’s grandma or your best friend’s random cousin, it will not be out of character for you to talk to a random person you’re actually attracted. It will come out naturally. You will not be invested in the outcome but present in the moment of the interaction and thus will be more confident.

People are attracted to other people who are confident. We all know this, but many people don’t understand what it means or how to gain it, and I’m telling you right now. You have to hurl yourself into the unfamiliar until the unfamiliar is familiar.  

You think I’m being overdramatic, I dare you to give it a try.

Here’s a short example of something that could happen. Let’s say you enjoy reading books, so one day you go to the bookstore and you’re hanging out in your favorite genre section. While you’re there you see an older woman in her 50s also browsing. So, you say something along the lines of,

“Excuse me. Hello. I just finished a really amazing book about _____ and now I’m afraid that nothing I pick will live up to its amazingness. Do you have any recommendations on amazing life-changing books? I feel it’s always better to ask another book lover than to just randomly pick something.”  

Somehow you get into this crazy conversation about books and the best authors in the entire world.

As you’re wrapping up she says something like, “You know what, I think my niece would get a kick out of you. Are you seeing anyone?” And then, whoa, you just randomly got set up on a blind date.

OR nothing like that happens but you did just have an amazing conversation AND found a new book to read.

See where i’m going here?

Movember

Anyhoo. I am also single. So, if you’re willing to do this, I will do this as well because nothing is more bullshit than someone who tells someone else to try something that they aren’t willing to do themselves.

There will be days when you are just not in the mood. I would suggest to try it anyway because it’s the type of thing that could actually get you out of that mood.

Keep me posted on what happens, how you feel, etc. This shall be quite fun.

Enjoy this article? Want more? Get exclusives by joining the badasses on my Patreon. Or show your support by sending me a gift off my Amazon Wish List or just straight-up send me money. This goddess would love some more money.

Best Couples Toys: We-Vibe Unite Review

sex toys

Discover A Great Sex Toys for Couples

or

Get It On with the We-Vibe Unite

The season of love is upon us. It’s true that many people frown upon Valentine’s Day for it’s alignment with capitalism, but before all the nonsense with St. Valentine February was and still is a time that people celebrate fertility, romance, passion, creativity etc. The point is to make it your own. There are so many ways to show your love to yourself and to others regardless of whether they’re romantic, familial, or friendships. For the next few weeks I’ll explore the different avenues for expressing love through play, more importantly toys that help said play.

Anniversary Collection

That being said, I’m going to start with heterosexual and lesbian romantic couples for this review of one of the best sex toys to use with that special someone(s), the We-Vibe Unite.

I’ve had a version of the We-Vibe Unite for quite a long time. They have of course made updates and improvements on the toy since I first tried it, but the version I have works pretty darn well as is.

It’s shaped like a C… the bottom part of the toy is inserted and stimulates the g-spot, whereas the top part rests on and vibrates the clitoris. Penetration with a human male penis or a dildo can still occur with the toy in as it is streamlined in design specifically for this reason. Of course, you’ll want to make sure you use plenty of lube.

The version I have comes with a remote, which is fun until you lose the remote due to all the passionate sex you’re having. The newer version, The Sync, can connect to an app on your phone. I’ve heard mixed reviews about this app. I have an android and had issues with the app with a different toy from the company, but I’m sure they’ve gotten their kinks out by now. If they haven’t, it’s still a grand ole time to use without remote or you can play it safe and get the Unite and be phone-free for once in your life.

And the We-Vibe Unite is rechargable, so you can forget the batteries and help the environment out a little bit more while orgasming and stuff.

We-Vibe currently has a special where you can buy the Unite and the Pivot (a rechargable cock-ring) together for a pretty decent price. The cock ring works on cocks and dildos! Just saying, not all cock rings have to go on human penises.

It’s time we started thinking outside the cock.

Anyhoo. Personally, if I had to choose between multiple orgasms or a piece of shiny jewelry I’d pick the orgasms. Perhaps I’m a true millennial in the sense that I enjoy experiences more than things, but does that make me a millennial or just another regular human?


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Tell Me If This is Funny: Taking Doggie Style Way Too Far

Are Dogs Really Man’s Best Friend?

or

Caution: This May Gross You Out

A couple of years ago I had a regular friend-with-benefits. Every Monday we’d have some sort of sexual experience. It usually consisted of me getting tied up and beat, forced orgasm, etc. He was a dom and had a couple of other subs he played with as well.

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One day he told me that one of the other subs had a strong desire to get fucked by a dog.

A dog.

I was immediately grossed out.

“Excuse me? No.” I said.

“No what?” He asked.

“No. I will not continue our regular rendezvous if you have sex with someone who has sex with dogs. That crosses a line for me. That’s not even six degrees of separation from me and a dog.”

Hear the doggie story here. . .

I have no idea if that woman ever had sex with a dog. I’m sure she did because when people want to do fucked up stuff they usually do. The guy and I ended our sex sessions for other reasons that are irrelevant to the story.

Fast forward to a few days ago. I don’t know what kind of boredom I was going through but I decided to dive into the disgusting world of women getting fucked by dogs. It was relatively easy to find a whole slew of videos of women and man’s best friend together, intimate in ways that go beyond a nice scratch behind the ears.

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I clicked on a video of a woman tied to a chair with a dog penetrating her pussy.

“Well, I mean, it looks like she had no choice in the matter here.”

Fast forward.

The woman now untied was actively sucking this dog’s penis.

Like, she liked it.

Have you ever see an erect dog penis?

It’s even more disgusting than a human male penis. Plus, it’s connected to, well, a dog.

I watched about twenty seconds of it. I was fascinated to be honest.

Just think. There are thousands of men in the world that want their dicks sucked who never or rarely get their dicks sucked and here are all these women sucking and fucking dog cock.

Sure, we could blame the fact that some men are involuntarily celibate on their terrible personalities… or like a rancid fart, we could just blame the dog?