Ant-Racist? Go Fuck Yourself For a Good Cause

That cause being you. 

Remember to take care of you… too. 

Masturbation can be a form of stress relief and can ease anxiety and aid in better overall emotional, spiritual, and physical health. And in these times of intensity, it can also help ease the rage. I know because I’ve been full of rage for many decades now and I have tried it myself. 

Because as I person who runs a sex-positive and body-positive blog that means all shapes, races, colors, desires welcome and supported. Big carrot, little carrot, no carrot– everyone deserves love and respect.

That being said, if you’re in the market for a new way to show yourself some love aka a new toy, use one of the affiliate links below and for the next month (June 2-July 2, 2020) I will donate 100% of the proceeds to Black Lives Matter campaigns including Campaign Zero and Bail Funds across the country.

The amount from proceeds is usually about 10-30% of your total cost (depending on the affiliate). So, you can get that new toy you were already planning to buy while at the same time giving a portion of that money to a good cause.  

Of course, If you don’t want a new toy and you just want to use the one you got or your hands or a pillow or whatever—and donate that money you could have used on a toy, by all means, DO THAT. Or do whatever you want. This is a free country. Or, we’re at least trying to get there. 

A Short List of My Favorite Sex Toy Companies

Tantus : 100% premium-silicone toys designed by women and hand-molded in U.S.

Lelo:  I have always been impressed by this Swedish company’s designs. Now you can get a free toy with purchase over $169. 

We-Vibe: Get it on with some of the best toys I have ever tested with this Canadian company dedicated to shaping the future of sexual health and wellness.

Woo for Play: Organic lube so clean you can eat it, yum. 

A Short List of Premium Sex Toy Options

Ideas for Guys

Why not give yourself an extra hand with Lelo’s F1s Developers Kit? A sensual male masturbator with 10 sensor built right in.
Feel like you’re not getting fucked in the ass quite enough? Well here’s a beginner’s toy from Tantus perfect to ease you into it.
You won’t want to forget the lube with these toys.

Ideas for Women

Not sure if you prefer internal or external stimulation? Gigi 2 from Lelo works well for g-spot or clit stuff depending on mood or desire.
A little bit of this and a little bit of that and ah ah ah… g-spot, clit, butt all in one box and (then a couple of holes). Pretty reasonable price for the set. Tango from We-Vibe is my #1 clit vibe pick.

You’ll love this lube. Woo.

Ideas for Couples

I mean, really this is for any type of couple, girls who like girls who like boys who like girls who like boys etc. Bend Over Intermediate Kit from Tantus.

Release some tension or prepare for the end of the world…. You never know when you might need to use your sex toys as weapons… The Plunge Paddle from Tantus.

You can never have enough lube. Unless you squirt out too much lube, but it prob won’t hurt anything to use that much anyway.

Ideas for Krystal

Here are some toys that I think look fun and would love to try, so maybe try them out and let me know what you think OR send one to me and I’ll review it for everyone.  

This is supposed to be like oral sex but better. Is it possible? The Ora 3 from Lelo.
The Melt from We-Vibe uses new air technology and can be used with a partner… I’m like WHAT IS THIS. LET ME TRY IT.

Did I mention the need for lube? This whole planet could really use lube right now.

Anyhoo. If you have questions or comments about what the best toy would be for you feel free to send me a message on Instagram or email me via my contact. Thanks for supporting the cause and taking care of your own sexual health at the same time.

Thoughts on Racism from Rural America

If you think racism doesn’t impact your life, think again.

I recently moved back to rural Kansas after 15+ years living in much much bigger cities (Chicago and Denver). And being out here while all of these protests are going on has got me feeling a mixed bag of emotions–sadness, anger, rage, grief, regret, etc. And I keep thinking, what can I do? How can I help? 

Then I think about where I am. 

I think about who I am. 

I’m in the middle of nowhere Kansas somewhere in between Kansas City and Tulsa on the Missouri border. A place with a rich civil war history, a place known to have been at the forefront for fighting to be a free state, John Brown, massacres, bloody Kansas etc. it all happened right around here. Cities were burned. People were murdered for having one belief or the other. It was brutal. It was chaotic. 

All in the name of freedom. 

But now? Now I think about how so many of us are afraid. There can be no other explanation. We’re afraid to stand up for what’s right. 

We’re afraid to do even the smallest action, to put a Black Lives Matter sign up in our window, or to call out the racism on our Facebook newsfeed, or invite our black friends to come visit.   

Why? Because we know that makes us a target for violence. It makes us a target for being ostracized, pushed out, abandoned by our ‘people’ aka our family, our community. And though, theoretically we understand that these racist types are ‘not our people’ …  they also are? 

So instead of saying something or doing anything we find ourselves becoming apathetic, avoiding these issues, remaining apolitical for the state of surviving where we are. Minimizing what’s happening or going so far as to blame the victims themselves. 

I think back on why I left, why I moved out of this small town, and it’s because I didn’t feel like I belonged. Of course, I looked like I belonged with my white skin and my german nose and my dirty blonde hair, but I didn’t feel like I belonged because I had different thoughts on how I wanted to live my life, who I wanted to be, ways and desires that didn’t fit within the mold the town has constructed for its people.  

To pretend this construction isn’t a reality for folks in this community is dangerous. It’s dangerous because it strips individuals of their freedom. Turning people away because they don’t fit within your own mold creates fear. Confusion. Anger. Uncertainty. 

If freedom is what so many people believe in then why do we let so much happen that goes against that very idea? Shouldn’t everyone have the freedom to choose where they live, what they believe, who they love– even if it doesn’t align with your own ideas of what that looks like? Isn’t that what our ancestors fought for when they fought for Kansas to be a free state? A fight for a united America–where everyone, regardless of their color of skin would have the right to empower or fuck up their own lives however they saw fit? 

We cannot continue to ignore what is happening because it happens each and every day in our own backyards.

Your silence will not save you and it damn well won’t save our friends, family, loved ones, lovers, children and neighbors. 

What can we do?

Here are a few suggestions that might help you as you continue on the path toward justice, freedom, and equality–wherever you happen to be. 

Little Tips for Big Anti-Racist Action

Turn Toward Your Feelings Not Away From Them.

This stuff hurts. This stuff is heavy. But instead of running, deflecting, numbing, avoiding, we must turn inward. Stop. Sit. Examine what is coming up. Anger? Sadness? Confusion? Where does it stem from? What does it feel like within your body? Where is it located? What is the texture. Can you sit with it fully? Do that. Feel all of it.  

Kill Your Ego

When we come from a place we’re we can listen without judgement we are better equipped to handle the chaos. Note that not every experience is specifically about you. If something provokes you this can often be a reflection of your own beliefs, issues, trauma, and that needs to be examined (see above suggestion on turning inward). Perhaps you have guilt about your part in all of this, that is valid, that is not uncommon, that is to be expected.

When you kill your ego you kill the part of yourself that lives from fear and fear is what works to perpetuate all of this bullshit and keeps everyone from truly living freely. Fear is what keeps us from doing the right thing and choosing the comfortable thing instead.  

Choose Compassion

We only know the depths of our own experiences. For the most part we do not know the full history, experiences, nuances of any one else’s lives (not even the Kardashians!). If people are running around being racist, how can you confront them in a productive way? If you are struggling you can always ask yourself WWJD or apply the golden rule.

Think about the times that you’ve changed your opinion of a matter, did it happen because someone was screaming at you and calling you names or did it happen because you were able to have an open and honest conversation?

If ever unsure, ask questions. Note that you might not get the response you were hoping for, know that all is not lost. Also remember that if you’re talking through these issues on an open social media platform that you’re saying the words you are saying to thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people, so you may make a positive impact on someone and never even know it. 

Dive Deeper Into Our History

Race is a social construct.  White people weren’t always white. Working class white people have more in common with people of color than they do their corporate bosses. Ask yourself why, who does this divisiveness ultimately serve? There are SO many resources out there that will aid in your discovery.

Here are a few links:

Beyond The Hashtag: How to Take Anti-Racist Action In Your Own Life

75 Things White People Can Do For Social Justice

Anti-Racism Resources

Be Kind to Yourself

Take care of yourself. Take breaks when you can. If you happen to be in a rural community like I am, know that there are other people who feel the same way. You are not alone. 

You are beautiful. 

You are loved. 

Where Have All the Fuckboys Gone?

What happens to fuckboys during a lockdown?

Quarantine and chill? Better not with a fuckboy. 

First of all, one must sing, “where have all the fuckboys gone” as if they’re singing, “where have all the cowboys gone,” to make any of this work. I assumed you all knew this, but I needed to state the obvious, just in case. 

Let us explore…

I don’t know about you all, but I am curious. What happened to the fuck boys since ‘social distancing’ has become the scenerio of our day to day lives? 

In case anyone needs a refresher, a fuckboy is defined as someone who goes around making sure he gets whatever he wants aka his dick wet, usually at the expense of others, often by lying and manipulating (aka telling people what they want to hear). 

Fuckboys may act like they’re really into you only to ghost you for months than somehow return from the dead in order to get their dicks wet again with claims of having ‘been busy,’ which is just code for them fucking other people in a similar fashion. 

They come in all shapes and sizes, all ages, political and social demographics, they may even claim to be spiritual or ‘woke,’ but that’s just another ploy to help them get laid. (I’ll go into the “woke” fuckboy dilemma another time as it’s an issue all unto itself.) 

Back in the 1970s, some unwoke white dude politician said that when it came to defining porn, ‘you know it when you see it.’ Well, the truth is, the same can be said for fuckboys. (You might not know it right away, because fuckboys are great at what they do, but it does become quite clear within one day’s time.) 

There are actually lots of different definitions of a fuckboy, here are 27 hilarious ones from Thought Catalogue.   

So, where have the fuck boys gone? Could this possibly be a case of them all disappearing because they finally realized the world doesn’t want or need them anymore? Could we be so lucky?

Doubtful. 

I know that there may be some fuckboys reading this thinking, what? Why does no one want a fuckboy? Why do we exist if no one wants us? I mean, the same could be said for herpes or mosquitos or those orange candy peanuts. Just because something exists doesn’t mean it’s good or good for you. 

No one wants a fuckboy because they are horrible creatures. 

Let’s be clear, this is not to say that people do not want casual sex. There are plenty of people who do. Two people can openly and honestly agree that they only want something casual, that does not make a fuckboy, that makes two people communicating and agreeing upon the same thing.

But, there are also a lot of people who do not want casual sex and a fuckboy will pretend that he wants something meaningful too, a connection too, a relationship too, until he gets his dick wet and quickly bounces to the next conquest. 

In other words.

Fuckboys are slim. 

Fuckboys fucking suck.

At least during this quarantine you can spot a fuckboy way quicker, way easier. You know because if you match with a fuckboy on an online dating app, they will try to meet you THAT VERY DAY. They give little fucks about social distancing or lockdown etc. they only care about their immediate needs. Some fuckboys will even slide into your DMs and try to get you to meet up with them that way.

They’re losing steam. They’re running out of options.

Will they die if they can’t stick their dicks in something? Maybe? We can all pray that they do — at least that they lose that selfish part of themselves and turn from fuckboys into humans. 

I am uncertain of where all the fuckboys have gone.

Some are definitely still out there trying to get inside stuff. My suggestion: do not let them in. Let them wither away. Let them suffocate. Or if you’re friendlier than me, let them ride off into their last sunset like retired cowboys fading into the night.  

Direct advice to fuckboys:

Fuckboys turn to ghosts and stay fucking dead, you ain’t Jesus, no one needs your second coming (your first was not OMG worthy either). Fuckboys, bye.

Death: The One Thing We’re All Avoiding

Let’s Talk About Death, Baby

Death and the Corona Virus

The fact of the matter is that we’re all in quarantine as a way to avoid death, our own death or the death of someone we love. 

And for good measure. 

This corona virus ain’t playing. 

According to a May 5 2020 post on Aljazeera:

“The death toll in the United States continues to surge with 70,847 deaths and 1,201,337 cases. The US continues to lead worldwide cases and deaths from the virus.”

Not only has Covid-19 killed a bunch of people, it has completely destroyed the economy and the livelihoods of people all over the world. Everyone is stuck at home, waiting. Waiting to not die. Not yet anyway. 

This pandemic has brought to the surface our biggest fears and uncertainties about the future.

But one thing is true regardless, we’re all going to die. 

Yikes. 

Or maybe better yet, Yay?

What I’ve noticed, observing from my basement dwelling quarantine, is that no one is straight up talking about death, what it means to die, how to accept our own end. 

We’re all busy baking bread or drinking margaritas or trying to get through to the unemployment office or working an essential job where any one person could come in and bring the entire place to its knees; where at any moment our coworkers or loved ones or lovers or friends could die. We could be dead too.  

Let’s be clear– this has always been true — yet it’s right here in our faces, our faces covered by masks. 

Pema Chodron aks:

“Can we abide in the openness that presents itself when the bottom falls out of our dream?”

Can we move forward when everything in our daily existence gets uprooted, changes, becomes something we never even imagined before? Can we accept the idea that it may cease to move forward at all? 

Facing Death

Why is there so much fear around death? 

Why are people afraid to talk about it?

What would happen if you took a moment and turned to face it instead of avoiding the very idea it? 

What would it look like? Feel like? Could you get past your sadness? Your grief? Your anger? Could you get to a place of acceptance? 

I saw this image the other day of a baby connected to her mother’s umbilical cord right next to an image of a human connected to the umbilical cord of the spirit world. 

How fascinating to imagine that we’re all just babies, earth, our mother, death a passage into the vast universe. 

But where will you go? Who will you be? Will you ever exist again? What will happen to your family? Your friends? Will it matter if you are no longer here to think about it? 

If you’re dead you no longer have to worry. At least that’s a bonus. 

Death and God

Of course, I don’t want to die, not yet anyway. I have accepted that it will happen at some point. And I am okay with it for the most part on most days. Everyone has their own belief system, they’re own connection or disconnection with God, the Universe, the Source, whatever you like to call it. 

I’m a big Alan Watts fan, I read The Taboo Against Knowing Yourself right before this whole pandemic started. I like the idea that we’re all manifestations of God. We’re all fragments, pieces of God experiencing God. A big interconnected Kaleidoscope of life ever unfolding; our eyes are the eyes of God watching the world from a very specific perspective.

Or as Watts says: 

“God is the Self of the world, but you can’t see God for the same reason that, without a mirror, you can’t see your own eyes, and you certainly can’t bite your own teeth or look inside your head. Your self is that cleverly hidden because it is God hiding.” 

So, I suppose I am less worried about my own personal death, knowing that we’re all interconnected elements of God and we shall continue onward regardless of our own specific conscious experiences.

I don’t know, sometimes I hurt my own brain thinking about all of this stuff. I guess I’m just curious if anyone else has been contemplating death, because it seems like most people are doing everything but. But, perhaps it’s one of those Taboos we’re not supposed to talk about. What do you think?  

Before you die you might as well buy yourself a nice toy and have an orgasm or too (I believe an orgasm is also considered a tiny death… or is that a sneeze? Who can keep up? )

Anyway. There’s unbelievable products for men, women, couples etc. And now, FREE SHIPPING at Lelo (and if you buy something with this link I get a little % kicked back to me, so thank you for getting off!)

 

Just Because I’m Sex Positive Does Not Mean I Want to Have Sex With You

What is sex positivity?

Sex Positive and the Dudes Who Need it Most

The other day I was asked a rather rude question.

It is not uncommon I suppose, when you talk about sex and sexuality, it gets people riled up. 

Suddenly they think they can be crass because that is their view of sex. They think they can be dirty because they think sex is dirty. They can be off-putting and rude and awkward because they have never been given the tools to fully grasp who they are wholly (and that includes their own sexuality). 

And, so, I suppose I can’t take that much offense when someone who isn’t emotionally developed asks me a rude question. I can only hope for the best. The best being that they recognize they are being a dick and work on ways to be less of a dick in the future.

Anyhoo. Sexuality is a pretty big element in most people’s lives– even people who abstain– as many have to actively NOT do it etc. Sex is how we all got here (in case you missed that day in Health class). Good ole sperm and egg. 

Sex and Sexual Health

Sexual health makes up one of the many areas of general overall health–other areas include physical health, social health, financial health, emotional health, etc. 

Yet, sexuality comes with a whole host of issues that many of the others do not, for example, many people experience a lot of shame, confusion, mis-information, avoidance, religious propaganda etc. when it comes to sexuality. 

Sex positivity works to help overcome all of that. It’s about positive sexual health, empowered sexuality, sex without shame, sex with respect, consent, boundaries, desires, pleasures, etc. 

One of the issues I run into is that many men think that because I talk about sex I must WANT it ALL of the time and FROM ANYONE. 

In fact, that was what the rude question was all about. A person, who I politely declined a proposition from many many months ago, had the nerve to ask me if I were a [nympho] 

(in brackets because of course he didn’t spell it correctly). 

To be clear, a person can be sex positive and not want to engage in sexual activity with everyone they meet. 

A person can also be sex positive and WANT to engage in sexuality activity with everyone they meet. 

What Does it Mean to Be Sex Positive?

Being sex positive means that you accept and respect your own sexuality and everyone elses around you with openness, honesty, consent, communication, etc. 

To do this we may have to unlearn many of the ideas and concepts that we grew up with; we may have to explore new ideas, ask questions, be curious about what could be instead of making assumptions about where we are or who other people are etc. We also have to learn how to ask better questions, how to be respectful and tactful when we talk about sexuality with those around us. 

Anyhoo. Personally, I have explored many many options and am currently in the process of learning more about myself while being open to a meaningful long-term relationship with someone who actually wants more from me than just SEX. I know, hard to believe, but it’s true. 

Yes, I can still be sexy, yes I can still have desires and fantasies, and get attention from people who think I’m hot, but no, I personally do not plan to bang every Todd, Dick, and Hairy that ask. 

Thank you for asking, but no thank you. 

If you’d like to take me on a date and get to know me (once this quarantine is all over) then you may ask me that and I will let you know one way or the other. 

If you are not interested that is OKAY too, I do not need to know that you are not interested, it makes no difference to me. We all have different tastes, desires, attractions etc. you go after whatever those are to you (consensually of course). 

If you continue to have questions you’re always welcome to hire me as a consultant where I will answer and advise based on my background in sex positivity. 

Good day to you and to all!

P.S.

Why not buy yourself a new toy and continue your sex positive exploration while helping your fellow sex positive blogger get a small % in return for making said recommendation? Cool. Discover Lelo for ultimate pleasure experiences.

5 Ways to Ease Your Sexual Frustration During Quarantine

Sexually Frustrated During Quarantine?

5 Things That Can Help Ease Sexual Frustration

You know, when I moved from Denver to rural Kansas I knew my sex life was going to take a big hit (or lack of hits, I guess haha). But I was unprepared for this sort of quarantine drama. It’s way different when you purposely abstain because you’re looking for something more meaningful or you’re tired of getting pumped and dumped or you’re seeking God or whatever, but to be single and not being able to get laid, makes a person WANT it all the more. Or maybe it’s just me. But I’ve talked to a few people and I’m pretty sure it’s not just me. 

It has gotten a bit out of control, what was once a thought about sex every 25-63 seconds has now gotten up to be hover more around like 7 seconds. And the thoughts are getting weird. Pornhub searches are getting weirder (hear about them on my Patreon); the things, ideas, people I’ve considered humping when this is all over has really gone off the deep end. I even thought that Arnold Schwarzenegger looked good and I have never been into that much muscle. 

In reality, I know that this time will fly by like a wink of an eye, and I understand that springtime brings with it its own extra element of procreational desires–the owls are hooting–the turkeys are gobbling–the bulls are strutting– all the wild life are running around doing it, tis the season. 

So, what do you do if you’re sexually frustrated and in quarantine? What if you can’t wank off or you’ve wanked off so much you’re starting to cause physical damage? Or it’s just become so boring yet the energy hasn’t gone away? Well, you’re in luck. I’ve put together a list:

5 things to Do with Your Pent Up Sexual Energy

  1. Sit and Don’t Think About What You’ve Done

Aka meditate. I know, at first it sounds counter-intuitive, if you’re having wild sex thoughts, craving sex, getting turned on by the craziest people, ideas, things, etc. that sitting around doing nothing about it would be the worst idea ever. But, running away from the issue isn’t going to help either. The concept is to turn into the craving, not necessarily succumb to it, but feel the feeling of it and recognize it as just that, a feeling. And like every other feeling, let it pass by like a cloud in the blue blue sky. 

  1. Move it or Lose It aka Workout

You must let that energy escape somehow. Start with a few jumping jacks, maybe some sit ups, follow-up with a couple of pushups (if your boner doesn’t get in the way). Or go for a long run. Move your body. Move it until you can’t move it anymore if you must. Sweat it out. Do it. Just do it. Oh. yeah. 

  1. Take Cold Showers Every Day

And blow my life away on a dream that won’t come true. (Anyone else a Grease fan?). This one is pretty self-explanatory. Cool off. Or turn up the heat and take care of business again. It may be one of the few places you have privacy (if you live with other people). It will at least give you something to do and ease the smell of living that one pair of gnarly sweatpants you own. 

  1. Play With It

Still sexually frustrated but also bored? There’s never been a better time to bring out your sex toys — or get yourself a new one. I have plenty of articles on the best ones out there, like The Best Sex Toys or Men, Best Sex Toys for Couples, or Best Sex Toys For Any Budget etc. Check out Lelo for some of the best high quality toys around–and change up your typical wank off routine (for women, men, couples and everyone in between). 

  1. Make it or Break It

Most importantly, the best thing to do with your pent up sexual energy is create. Your sexual center and your creativity center are interconnected so if you’re struggling in one area, give attention to the other and you might find a solution. Creating doesn’t have to be for anyone but yourself–whether you decide to write a song or a story or a poem, paint or draw, dance around the room, play music, bake bread (like everyone else seems to be doing)– cover your entire body in googly eyes and walk around the neighborhood spying on everyone– whatever you do, do it for you. It’s all about expressing a part of yourself to yourself–don’t worry what anyone else will think of it. 

So there you have it. 5 ways to make it through this quarantine a little less sexually frustrated. If you have any other ideas please feel free to leave them in the comments below. 

If you need help finding the perfect sex toy for you feel free to send me an email or drop me a message in Instagram.

Also, follow my Patreon for video diaries, pics you won’t see anywhere else, DMs gone wrong and so much more. 

The Surprising Benefits of Being Single During Quarantine

It’s the Era of DIY or DYY (do you yourself) 

Yes. I am also single during quarantine.

After careful consideration, I decided to move out of Denver at the end of my lease on Halloween of last year. I moved to Kansas, back to where I grew up. I have been living in my parents’ basement while searching for The House to buy. Of course, this quarantine has certainly put a damper on all of that. 

And being single here was already challenging, prior to self-isolation. 

Before I had even moved back here I made the decision to become voluntarily celibate, okay, celibate is a stretch, I had decided I was only going to have sex in a meaningful relationship, no more one night stands. (To find out the REAL reason behind my celibacy and why I gave up one night stands — check out my patreon page for my video diary). But I deleted all of my dating apps and only gazed at cute guys from afar when I went out, so I thought I was doing pretty good. 

Anyway–that went on for several months with a few other stories mixed in there (will go into detail at some point I’m sure). 

I finally started dating again just this February (see Patreon video diary NEXT week for that story… it involves Jesus, amen). 

All of that leads us to right now. Here. Single during quarantine. Several of my solo friends are going mad. They need that Vitamin D. I get that. It’s important to be touched by other human beings. But we cannot be touched by other human beings right now and thus can only touch ourselves. That being said.

Here are 4 Reasons to be Grateful to be Single in times of Quarantine   

  1. Alone but Not Lonely

Okay, maybe a little lonely. But you could be lonely when you’re with someone and that’s worse. Imagine, there are people out there who are currently stuck living with an ex. Or they were about to make them an ex and then all of this happened. Or this happened and they had never thought of breaking up before but now they are getting annoyed by the sound of the other person breathing. 

  1. Your Time is Your Time

In other words, you can watch whatever the fuck you want on Netflix, whenever you want to. You can sleep whenever you want to, however you want to. You can eat all the ice cream and only you will be sad that it’s gone. What a relief! 

  1. Rediscover You in All the Different Ways

Sure, you could write a screenplay or learn Spanish but you don’t HAVE to. You could literally just sit with yourself and THAT’S OKAY. It’s a great time to reconnect with who you are at your core. You don’t always have to go go go or do do do. One reason we’re all stuck inside like this right now is that 1) there could potentially be too many of us 2) no one rests any more. So, now more than ever, discover the core of your being and be with it. Then perhaps enjoy something outside of yourself, nature, creativity, sexuality, etc. 

  1. Dating is Only A Head Game Now 

It’s amazing. This quarantine is making it so you have to spend time getting to know someone via text or video chat for WAY longer than ever before. This means you get to stimulate the brains. Oh yeah, brains! What a concept– getting to know people BEFORE sleeping with them. Perhaps this is actually helping us all slow down and to set up for more meaningful relationships in our future. 

For now, all we can do is go with the flow. Stay strong. Enjoy yourselves. See you on the other side (of this or you know, wherever we end up after this). 

Do We Really Want To Go Back to Normal?

Perhaps it’s time to envision a new way of being.

It’s pretty clear that the corona virus is changing the way that we exist on this planet. None of us having any idea how it is all going to unfold. Will medical professionals find a way to contain Covid-19? Even so, what happens when another virus pops up in its place? Is the economy going to tank? Will millions of lives be sacrificed to save it?

These are all things we’re about to find out.

While all of this is going down and we’re all quarantined in our selected locations, many of us jobless, many of us feeling very much non-essential right now, I encourage everyone to take an hour or however long and dive into your dreams. I’m not talking about the stories that play out in your subconscious when you’re asleep. I’m talking about what you dream about for your life.

If you could somehow reinvent how the world works, what would it look like?

Using your wildest imagination as we can only imagine as much as we know, what could humanity actually be?

Is it possible to live in a society that values people over profits?

What would a world without money look like?

Could a world exist where we valued giving, sharing, trading, more so than the dollar?

Is it possible to have gifts, to be creative, to encompass amazing personality characteristics without them being comodified? Without having to turn everything into a product or a brand?

What could a world without money do?

Our planet, our people need healed.

How does that work?

When someone gets sick should they get access to health care like any other person who gets sick?

When anyone rich or poor can catch viruses that kill, that can kill hundreds, thousands, millions of other people, shouldn’t we have systems in place to handle said situations?

Are you really THAT comfortable that you want to go back to how things were?

Was your life really THAT great? What deep down did you want out of life?

You say you just want a decent job and loving family… well WHY do you want a job? Is it for money? So you can provide for your loving family? Is it so you can buy all the things that you need to survive?

What if you already had all of those things?

Would you want a job so you felt like you had a ‘purpose’?

Why do you feel like you need a purpose to live?

And could you work, could you do the things that you loved doing, things that gave you ‘purpose’ if that’s what you truly needed without it being connected to income? Could you work on a farm or on a painting or mowing your neighbor’s lawn just because you enjoy the work and because it helps connect you to other people?

How attached are we to money that we need to go back to normal?

What if instead we created a new normal? A better normal? A normal where everyone thrived?

What would that look like to you?

Are you willing to get out of your comfort zone to get there?

If you’re not willing are you at least ready?

If life will never go back to normal then we need to start imagining a new world that aligns with what we want not what people with all the money think we need.

In the meantime, if you’re all alone might as well go F yourself. Here’s a coupon. XOXO

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The World is Canceled, What Now?

Corona Virus Got You Down?

All your plans are canceled? Not sure what to do with yourself? Tired of bingeing on Netflix? Not sure what social distancing really entails. Well, never you fear, I’ve spent a many years developing superb ‘hiding from people’ skills and I can tell you, you’re about to have a really good time. 

Here are 5 Things to Do While Social Distancing

  1. Finally read a GD book 

Isn’t it great that you now have all the time in the world to just sit back and catch up on your reading list? Perhaps you’re confused and do not know where to start. Well, if you already have a pile I suggest starting at the top of that. If you do not, here are some book suggestions based on our current corona virus / social distancing/ world canceled/ stuck at home / hermit life / situation we’re all in.

My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Life of the Last True Hermit by Michael Finkle

The Plague by Albert Camus

All My Friends Are Dead by Avery Monsen

The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts

Welcoming the Unwelcome by Pema Chodron 

2. Move That Ass

Sure you can’t go to the gym anymore but you can certainly step outside and go for a fucking walk. Just don’t touch anything or anyone when you do it. Get that vitamin D, it might the only D you get for a while. 

In addition to walking, you can find pretty decent gym replacement streaming videos on YouTube.

Two of my favorite streaming workout channels are: 

Sydney Cummings

Fitness Blender

3. Get Your Head Right

What a perfect time to go inside yourself and finally deal with some of your issues. No need to worry about making it to the party later or having to deal with anyone seeing your sad puffy eyes. Cry it out. Sit around and ‘be.’ Maybe meditate for a moment in time. Go down a YouTube hole and learn all about emotional maturity or overcoming bad habits or how to be alone etc. 

The School of Life videos are a good place to start:  

4. Love Yo’Self

There’s research out there that says masturbation actually improves your immunity. So, have at it, give yourself a hand or two, or if you’re tired of doing ALL the work, might I suggest Lelo’s F1 Developers Kit for penises and the Lelo Sona Cruise for clitorises. 


Lelo’s F1 Developer’s Kit

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5. Talk to Someone You Know Or Don’t Know

Have you been putting off making that phone call? How’s your mom doing? Want to tell an old girlfriend you’re still in love with her? Want to ask someone out after the world comes back on again? Bored? Lonely? Well, luckily the phone and the internet still work. So, call someone you know. Or maybe someone you don’t know?

Need further advice? Find me on Patreon for a 1-1 online chat.

Is Either Political Party Worth Fighting For?

Political polarization and our inability to move forward

I’ve been reading The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts. My brain is exploding with each sentence. He’s dropping ideas that I’ve definitely thought about but never quite in the way he’s talking about them. Like, for example, in explaining God– God is trying to look at your own eye balls with your eyeballs without a mirror (not a direct quote, but I’ve been working through that one for a few days now.)  

Anyhoo. While reading the chapter called: ‘The Game of Black-and-White,’ Watts writes: 

“But the mistake in the beginning was to think of solids and space as two different things, instead of as two aspects of the same thing. The point is that they are different but inseparable, like the front end and rear end of a cat. Cut them apart, and the cat dies.” 

My immediate reaction to this was not about his actual argument, which is that we are all connected to the universe the way our lungs are connected to our body or limbs are connected to a tree etc. No, my first response was, ‘is this how we can finally end our polarized political system?’ 

If we replace ‘solids and space’ with ‘liberals and conservatives’ or ‘Democrats and Republicans,” then it goes to show, that like ‘lightness & darkness, ‘matter and space,’ ‘good and evil’ you can not understand one without the existence of the other. 

But in the case of the U.S. political system– do we need to? 

Is either side REALLY worth fighting for or could we potentially cut the tail from the head and let the cat die? 

It’s like it’s own microscopic circus and we’re all audience members cheering them on, but it’s just cheap entertainment. No substance. No actual policy changes. No real help to the people who need it. So, why have it at all? 

Why not let it die and try something different instead? 

Or we can continue to let the snake eat its own tail in this forever going cycle of nothing. Whichever.