Three-Way Phallic Food Sauté

Three-Way Phallic Food Sauté

Spice up your dinner plate with this sexy phallic food sauté. This dish is a super easy + healthy way to add some side dish to your entree. Get almost all your phallic foods in your mouth at once!

What you Need for Phallic Food Sauté:

Skillet

Knife (I used this french fry cutter thing to give them a fun shape–not required)

Cutting board

½ cup eggplant

½ cup zucchini

½ cup yellow squash

Olive oil

Salt

Seasonings of choice (recommended: italian or old bay or creole or cumin + paprika)

What you do:

Slice the eggplant into rounds or dices depending on size of eggplant. 

Put in colander. Cover with salt. Let sit for an hour.

Once the eggplant has had sometime to sweat and think about what it’s done. Heat a skillet. Add some olive oil to the pan. Throw in all the vegetables together and saute until they’re a little bit blackened (that’s how I like them anyway) — about 10-15 minutes. 

Eat them as a side to your favorite entree OR make it a four-way by heating up a brat, slicing it up and throwing it into the party.

P.S.

I originally tried using the entirety of all three phallic foods in this sauté. I even had a really big skillet, but it was still too much to sauté all at once. Obviously you can do it in batches if you want to use more than 1/2 a cup at once.

Get fun phallic food facts on the Go Eat a Carrot Patreon!

Want more phallic food recipe ideas? Try the Nut & Creamed on Carrot Ginger Soup (yum)!

Did you know that the future author of the Phallic Food Diet Cookbook has written a work of fiction? Read her raunchy dark comedy about a woman addicted to meth who is caught in a rather compromising position. Corn Tits Part 1 is out on almost all major e-readers now.

Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto

This Pecan Pesto Packs a Punch for Your Mouth

Yum yum give me some. This nutty pecan pesto is simple to make and can be put on or in whatever your heart (and stomach) wants. 

I chose to use pecans in this pesto because they have a robust full flavor. I also picked them, literally. My grandma has a pecan tree and last year she had so many blowing off the limbs we barely could collect them all. This year there were zero–I guess they do that sometimes? I am no pecan expert.

I did just move to a house that has one in the yard too but also– no nuts this year. I am hoping for lots of nuts next season though.

Of course, if you do not have pecans you can sub any other nut of choice. Same with the herb. I used parsley because it was in my fridge, but basil would also work nicely. I have even seem someone use the greens of a carrot. So, if you do that let me know how it turns out!

Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto Recipe

Serves 1 cup

Prep Time: 5 mins

Total Time: 5 mins

What You Need:

  • 1/2 cup pecans
  • 2 tablespoons lemon juice (or juice of half of a lemon)
  • 3 garlic cloves
  • 1 jalapeno (stem and seeds removed) (optional) 
  • Big pinch of sea salt
  • Medium pinch of red pepper flakes 
  • freshly ground black pepper to taste
  • 2 cups parsley leaves
  • 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese (sub nutritional yeast if dairy-free)
  • 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, more for a smoother pesto

What You Do

  1. In a food processor, chop up those nuts. 
  2. Add the garlic. Chop chop. 
  3. Dump in the lemon juice, salt, pepper, and pulse a bit more. 
  4. Add the parsley, keep it pulsing until combined.
  5. While your food processor is still a humming, drizzle in the olive oil until combined. 
  6. Add the parmesan cheese, if using, and pulse to briefly combine. 
  7. For a nut-filled pesto, use less olive oil. For a smoother pesto add more olive oil. 

Add pesto to your favorite pasta, top on soup (check out my Nut and Cream Topped Carrot Ginger Soup) or toast, or do whatever you like doing with it. 

Follow me on Patreon for Phallic Food Fun Facts and Cock-less Cocktail recipes (aka mocktails).

The Best Bullet Vibrator To Buy While In Quarantine Due to Covid-19 Pandemic

What is the best bullet vibrator?

Looking for a quality bullet vibrator to get you through this third wave of quarantine?

Whether you are single or in a relationship.

Whether you are straight, gay, lesbian, queer, etc. 

Whether you live alone, with partner, with roommates, with parents. 

Whether you like clitorial stimulation, internal, anal, nipple play, ball play etc. 

This is the best bullet vibrator for you!

What bullet vibrator am I talking about?

The We-Vibe Tango. 

Yes, I have mentioned this bullet vibrator several times before, but I am bringing it up again considering we are all living in a very weird time. Many people are looking for new ways to spice up their romantic lives, either with themselves or with others and my first suggestion would be to add toys. It’s easy, it’s fun, and it’s worth it. 

Buy yourself a new toy–the we-vibe tango bullet vibrator

Here are some of the main reasons why I think the We-Vibe Tango is the best bullet vibrator to add to your adult toy collection. 

  1. It’s discreet. This bullet vibrator measures a little over 3 inches making it easy to hide in a side drawer or purse or bag or even in a fanny pack. 
  2. The We-Vibe Tango is rechargeable. Thus making it slightly more environmentally-friendly and prevents you from having to go to the store or have batteries delivered. 
  3. It’s made from body-safe material and is easy to clean (though I still recommend a toy cleaner–System Jo is the one I use.)
  4. This bullet vibrator has eight power modes. Personally I’m not into the patterned vibrations but many people are. The highest speed that has a continual vibe is pretty strong though. I do prefer it super intense– I am a hitachi girl after all. It is not as strong as the hitachi but it doesn’t have to be plugged into a wall to work so that’s a plus. It also has several lower speed settings for those who don’t like their vibrators to operate in hyperdrive.
  5. It is versatile in its pleasure profile. Not only is it a terrific clitoral stimulator you can also get creative with it. Try it on your nipples or your scrotum if you have one. Do NOT put in your butt by itself. This toy does not have a base and your butt will eat it and you def do not want to go to the ER to have it removed, particularly in the middle of a pandemic. 
  6. It plays well with others. Yes, this is a great toy to use solo. It is also fun to use with other people because it’s small enough to not get in the way while doing whatever it is you like to do. It’s also just the right size that you can use it in other toys with built-in bullet holes. Like strap-ons and anal plugs (now you can put it in your butt, but only if you put it in a plug first). 
  7. It’s technically affordable. Okay, so it’s $79. But! If you break that down, let’s say you use it every day for a year–that’s less than a quarter a day. Would you pay a quarter for an orgasm? That’s what I thought, me too. Also, you can buy a cheaper version, but it won’t last as long and it usually comes with batteries–often those little watch batteries–trust it’s worth it to invest in yourself and your adult toys.

So yeah, this is my number one recommendation for anyone looking to add some spice to their sex lives, particularly a new toy. Many people say to me, “I want a new vibrator but I don’t know what to get.” Well, get this. If you don’t like it, I’ll recommend something else later, but the We-Vibe Tango is one of those toys that everyone should have in their adult toy arsenal. 

Use this link to buy the We-Vibe Tango for yourself. (Don’t forget the lube and the toy cleaner.)

Thanks for coming. 

Check out my Patreon for Phallic Food Diet recipes and more! 

Nut and Cream Topped Carrot Ginger Soup

The first recipe for the Phallic Food Diet Cookbook is a delicious and easy to make carrot ginger soup.

I refuse to be one of those people who write a novel before the recipe. I really do not care how much it helps the SEO. You deserve better than that.

So, here is the carrot ginger soup recipe:

Nut and Cream Topped Carrot Ginger Soup 

Prep Time: 15 mins

Cook Time: 30 mins

Total Time: 45 mins

Serves 3 to 4

What You Need

  • 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 cup chopped yellow onions
  • 5-6 garlic cloves, smashed
  • 3 heaping cups chopped carrots
  • 1+ tablespoon grated (or chopped fine) fresh ginger (adjust according to taste)
  • 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
  • Pinch of nutmeg (optional)
  • Pinch of cayenne pepper (optional) 
  •  4 cups vegetable broth
  • Sea salt and fresh black pepper

For the Nut & Cream Finish (Optional)

  • Plain greek yogurt (or non-dairy if vegan)
  • Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto (recipe to come next week) 

What You Do

  1. Get out a large pot. Put it on the stove. Add olive oil to the pot. Turn the heat up to medium. 
  2. Add the onions and a generous pinch of salt and pepper. Cook until softened, stirring occasionally, about 5 minutes. 
  3. Add the smashed garlic cloves and chopped carrots to the pot and cook about 8 minutes more, stirring occasionally.
  4. Toss in the ginger, apple cider vinegar, the vegetable broth (and nutmeg, cayenne pepper if using). Reduce to a simmer and cook until the carrots turn from hard to soft, about 30 minutes. (Perfect time to make that Pesto if using)
  5. Let cool slightly.
  6. Transfer to a blender. Blend until smooth. (It certainly may not go super smoothly if it all doesn’t fit in blender at once, but it is worth the mess or the potential investment in an immersion blender.) 
  7. Once blended you can re-adjust the seasonings to your taste.

Finally, the fun part! 

Pour the carrot ginger soup into a bowl. Take a spoonful of greek yogurt and wap it on top of the soup. Top the creamy yogurt with the Put Some Nuts in Your Mouth Pecan Pesto. Eat. Enjoy. Yum. 

Want to learn a fun fact about the carrot? Check out this Go Eat a Carrot Patreon video.

Want to further your reading? Check out Do We Really Want to Go Back to Normal? Thoughts on the pandemic.

Or after you eat your carrots perhaps you will be filling lusty, if that is the case, have you experimented with any new toys lately? Love Honey has Sexy Advet Calendars now. That will give you something to do (toys) or wear (lingerie) like every day for many days to come. Click on image below to discover more!

Thanks for coming.

Ant-Racist? Go Fuck Yourself For a Good Cause

That cause being you. 

Remember to take care of you… too. 

Masturbation can be a form of stress relief and can ease anxiety and aid in better overall emotional, spiritual, and physical health. And in these times of intensity, it can also help ease the rage. I know because I’ve been full of rage for many decades now and I have tried it myself. 

Because as I person who runs a sex-positive and body-positive blog that means all shapes, races, colors, desires welcome and supported. Big carrot, little carrot, no carrot– everyone deserves love and respect.

That being said, if you’re in the market for a new way to show yourself some love aka a new toy, use one of the affiliate links below and for the next month (June 2-July 2, 2020) I will donate 100% of the proceeds to Black Lives Matter campaigns including Campaign Zero and Bail Funds across the country.

The amount from proceeds is usually about 10-30% of your total cost (depending on the affiliate). So, you can get that new toy you were already planning to buy while at the same time giving a portion of that money to a good cause.  

Of course, If you don’t want a new toy and you just want to use the one you got or your hands or a pillow or whatever—and donate that money you could have used on a toy, by all means, DO THAT. Or do whatever you want. This is a free country. Or, we’re at least trying to get there. 

A Short List of My Favorite Sex Toy Companies

Tantus : 100% premium-silicone toys designed by women and hand-molded in U.S.

Lelo:  I have always been impressed by this Swedish company’s designs. Now you can get a free toy with purchase over $169. 

We-Vibe: Get it on with some of the best toys I have ever tested with this Canadian company dedicated to shaping the future of sexual health and wellness.

Woo for Play: Organic lube so clean you can eat it, yum. 

A Short List of Premium Sex Toy Options

Ideas for Guys

Why not give yourself an extra hand with Lelo’s F1s Developers Kit? A sensual male masturbator with 10 sensor built right in.
Feel like you’re not getting fucked in the ass quite enough? Well here’s a beginner’s toy from Tantus perfect to ease you into it.
You won’t want to forget the lube with these toys.

Ideas for Women

Not sure if you prefer internal or external stimulation? Gigi 2 from Lelo works well for g-spot or clit stuff depending on mood or desire.
A little bit of this and a little bit of that and ah ah ah… g-spot, clit, butt all in one box and (then a couple of holes). Pretty reasonable price for the set. Tango from We-Vibe is my #1 clit vibe pick.

You’ll love this lube. Woo.

Ideas for Couples

I mean, really this is for any type of couple, girls who like girls who like boys who like girls who like boys etc. Bend Over Intermediate Kit from Tantus.

Release some tension or prepare for the end of the world…. You never know when you might need to use your sex toys as weapons… The Plunge Paddle from Tantus.

You can never have enough lube. Unless you squirt out too much lube, but it prob won’t hurt anything to use that much anyway.

Ideas for Krystal

Here are some toys that I think look fun and would love to try, so maybe try them out and let me know what you think OR send one to me and I’ll review it for everyone.  

This is supposed to be like oral sex but better. Is it possible? The Ora 3 from Lelo.
The Melt from We-Vibe uses new air technology and can be used with a partner… I’m like WHAT IS THIS. LET ME TRY IT.

Did I mention the need for lube? This whole planet could really use lube right now.

Anyhoo. If you have questions or comments about what the best toy would be for you feel free to send me a message on Instagram or email me via my contact. Thanks for supporting the cause and taking care of your own sexual health at the same time.

Thoughts on Racism from Rural America

If you think racism doesn’t impact your life, think again.

I recently moved back to rural Kansas after 15+ years living in much much bigger cities (Chicago and Denver). And being out here while all of these protests are going on has got me feeling a mixed bag of emotions–sadness, anger, rage, grief, regret, etc. And I keep thinking, what can I do? How can I help? 

Then I think about where I am. 

I think about who I am. 

I’m in the middle of nowhere Kansas somewhere in between Kansas City and Tulsa on the Missouri border. A place with a rich civil war history, a place known to have been at the forefront for fighting to be a free state, John Brown, massacres, bloody Kansas etc. it all happened right around here. Cities were burned. People were murdered for having one belief or the other. It was brutal. It was chaotic. 

All in the name of freedom. 

But now? Now I think about how so many of us are afraid. There can be no other explanation. We’re afraid to stand up for what’s right. 

We’re afraid to do even the smallest action, to put a Black Lives Matter sign up in our window, or to call out the racism on our Facebook newsfeed, or invite our black friends to come visit.   

Why? Because we know that makes us a target for violence. It makes us a target for being ostracized, pushed out, abandoned by our ‘people’ aka our family, our community. And though, theoretically we understand that these racist types are ‘not our people’ …  they also are? 

So instead of saying something or doing anything we find ourselves becoming apathetic, avoiding these issues, remaining apolitical for the state of surviving where we are. Minimizing what’s happening or going so far as to blame the victims themselves. 

I think back on why I left, why I moved out of this small town, and it’s because I didn’t feel like I belonged. Of course, I looked like I belonged with my white skin and my german nose and my dirty blonde hair, but I didn’t feel like I belonged because I had different thoughts on how I wanted to live my life, who I wanted to be, ways and desires that didn’t fit within the mold the town has constructed for its people.  

To pretend this construction isn’t a reality for folks in this community is dangerous. It’s dangerous because it strips individuals of their freedom. Turning people away because they don’t fit within your own mold creates fear. Confusion. Anger. Uncertainty. 

If freedom is what so many people believe in then why do we let so much happen that goes against that very idea? Shouldn’t everyone have the freedom to choose where they live, what they believe, who they love– even if it doesn’t align with your own ideas of what that looks like? Isn’t that what our ancestors fought for when they fought for Kansas to be a free state? A fight for a united America–where everyone, regardless of their color of skin would have the right to empower or fuck up their own lives however they saw fit? 

We cannot continue to ignore what is happening because it happens each and every day in our own backyards.

Your silence will not save you and it damn well won’t save our friends, family, loved ones, lovers, children and neighbors. 

What can we do?

Here are a few suggestions that might help you as you continue on the path toward justice, freedom, and equality–wherever you happen to be. 

Little Tips for Big Anti-Racist Action

Turn Toward Your Feelings Not Away From Them.

This stuff hurts. This stuff is heavy. But instead of running, deflecting, numbing, avoiding, we must turn inward. Stop. Sit. Examine what is coming up. Anger? Sadness? Confusion? Where does it stem from? What does it feel like within your body? Where is it located? What is the texture. Can you sit with it fully? Do that. Feel all of it.  

Kill Your Ego

When we come from a place we’re we can listen without judgement we are better equipped to handle the chaos. Note that not every experience is specifically about you. If something provokes you this can often be a reflection of your own beliefs, issues, trauma, and that needs to be examined (see above suggestion on turning inward). Perhaps you have guilt about your part in all of this, that is valid, that is not uncommon, that is to be expected.

When you kill your ego you kill the part of yourself that lives from fear and fear is what works to perpetuate all of this bullshit and keeps everyone from truly living freely. Fear is what keeps us from doing the right thing and choosing the comfortable thing instead.  

Choose Compassion

We only know the depths of our own experiences. For the most part we do not know the full history, experiences, nuances of any one else’s lives (not even the Kardashians!). If people are running around being racist, how can you confront them in a productive way? If you are struggling you can always ask yourself WWJD or apply the golden rule.

Think about the times that you’ve changed your opinion of a matter, did it happen because someone was screaming at you and calling you names or did it happen because you were able to have an open and honest conversation?

If ever unsure, ask questions. Note that you might not get the response you were hoping for, know that all is not lost. Also remember that if you’re talking through these issues on an open social media platform that you’re saying the words you are saying to thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people, so you may make a positive impact on someone and never even know it. 

Dive Deeper Into Our History

Race is a social construct.  White people weren’t always white. Working class white people have more in common with people of color than they do their corporate bosses. Ask yourself why, who does this divisiveness ultimately serve? There are SO many resources out there that will aid in your discovery.

Here are a few links:

Beyond The Hashtag: How to Take Anti-Racist Action In Your Own Life

75 Things White People Can Do For Social Justice

Anti-Racism Resources

Be Kind to Yourself

Take care of yourself. Take breaks when you can. If you happen to be in a rural community like I am, know that there are other people who feel the same way. You are not alone. 

You are beautiful. 

You are loved. 

Where Have All the Fuckboys Gone?

What happens to fuckboys during a lockdown?

Quarantine and chill? Better not with a fuckboy. 

First of all, one must sing, “where have all the fuckboys gone” as if they’re singing, “where have all the cowboys gone,” to make any of this work. I assumed you all knew this, but I needed to state the obvious, just in case. 

Let us explore…

I don’t know about you all, but I am curious. What happened to the fuck boys since ‘social distancing’ has become the scenerio of our day to day lives? 

In case anyone needs a refresher, a fuckboy is defined as someone who goes around making sure he gets whatever he wants aka his dick wet, usually at the expense of others, often by lying and manipulating (aka telling people what they want to hear). 

Fuckboys may act like they’re really into you only to ghost you for months than somehow return from the dead in order to get their dicks wet again with claims of having ‘been busy,’ which is just code for them fucking other people in a similar fashion. 

They come in all shapes and sizes, all ages, political and social demographics, they may even claim to be spiritual or ‘woke,’ but that’s just another ploy to help them get laid. (I’ll go into the “woke” fuckboy dilemma another time as it’s an issue all unto itself.) 

Back in the 1970s, some unwoke white dude politician said that when it came to defining porn, ‘you know it when you see it.’ Well, the truth is, the same can be said for fuckboys. (You might not know it right away, because fuckboys are great at what they do, but it does become quite clear within one day’s time.) 

There are actually lots of different definitions of a fuckboy, here are 27 hilarious ones from Thought Catalogue.   

So, where have the fuck boys gone? Could this possibly be a case of them all disappearing because they finally realized the world doesn’t want or need them anymore? Could we be so lucky?

Doubtful. 

I know that there may be some fuckboys reading this thinking, what? Why does no one want a fuckboy? Why do we exist if no one wants us? I mean, the same could be said for herpes or mosquitos or those orange candy peanuts. Just because something exists doesn’t mean it’s good or good for you. 

No one wants a fuckboy because they are horrible creatures. 

Let’s be clear, this is not to say that people do not want casual sex. There are plenty of people who do. Two people can openly and honestly agree that they only want something casual, that does not make a fuckboy, that makes two people communicating and agreeing upon the same thing.

But, there are also a lot of people who do not want casual sex and a fuckboy will pretend that he wants something meaningful too, a connection too, a relationship too, until he gets his dick wet and quickly bounces to the next conquest. 

In other words.

Fuckboys are slim. 

Fuckboys fucking suck.

At least during this quarantine you can spot a fuckboy way quicker, way easier. You know because if you match with a fuckboy on an online dating app, they will try to meet you THAT VERY DAY. They give little fucks about social distancing or lockdown etc. they only care about their immediate needs. Some fuckboys will even slide into your DMs and try to get you to meet up with them that way.

They’re losing steam. They’re running out of options.

Will they die if they can’t stick their dicks in something? Maybe? We can all pray that they do — at least that they lose that selfish part of themselves and turn from fuckboys into humans. 

I am uncertain of where all the fuckboys have gone.

Some are definitely still out there trying to get inside stuff. My suggestion: do not let them in. Let them wither away. Let them suffocate. Or if you’re friendlier than me, let them ride off into their last sunset like retired cowboys fading into the night.  

Direct advice to fuckboys:

Fuckboys turn to ghosts and stay fucking dead, you ain’t Jesus, no one needs your second coming (your first was not OMG worthy either). Fuckboys, bye.

Death: The One Thing We’re All Avoiding

Let’s Talk About Death, Baby

Death and the Corona Virus

The fact of the matter is that we’re all in quarantine as a way to avoid death, our own death or the death of someone we love. 

And for good measure. 

This corona virus ain’t playing. 

According to a May 5 2020 post on Aljazeera:

“The death toll in the United States continues to surge with 70,847 deaths and 1,201,337 cases. The US continues to lead worldwide cases and deaths from the virus.”

Not only has Covid-19 killed a bunch of people, it has completely destroyed the economy and the livelihoods of people all over the world. Everyone is stuck at home, waiting. Waiting to not die. Not yet anyway. 

This pandemic has brought to the surface our biggest fears and uncertainties about the future.

But one thing is true regardless, we’re all going to die. 

Yikes. 

Or maybe better yet, Yay?

What I’ve noticed, observing from my basement dwelling quarantine, is that no one is straight up talking about death, what it means to die, how to accept our own end. 

We’re all busy baking bread or drinking margaritas or trying to get through to the unemployment office or working an essential job where any one person could come in and bring the entire place to its knees; where at any moment our coworkers or loved ones or lovers or friends could die. We could be dead too.  

Let’s be clear– this has always been true — yet it’s right here in our faces, our faces covered by masks. 

Pema Chodron aks:

“Can we abide in the openness that presents itself when the bottom falls out of our dream?”

Can we move forward when everything in our daily existence gets uprooted, changes, becomes something we never even imagined before? Can we accept the idea that it may cease to move forward at all? 

Facing Death

Why is there so much fear around death? 

Why are people afraid to talk about it?

What would happen if you took a moment and turned to face it instead of avoiding the very idea it? 

What would it look like? Feel like? Could you get past your sadness? Your grief? Your anger? Could you get to a place of acceptance? 

I saw this image the other day of a baby connected to her mother’s umbilical cord right next to an image of a human connected to the umbilical cord of the spirit world. 

How fascinating to imagine that we’re all just babies, earth, our mother, death a passage into the vast universe. 

But where will you go? Who will you be? Will you ever exist again? What will happen to your family? Your friends? Will it matter if you are no longer here to think about it? 

If you’re dead you no longer have to worry. At least that’s a bonus. 

Death and God

Of course, I don’t want to die, not yet anyway. I have accepted that it will happen at some point. And I am okay with it for the most part on most days. Everyone has their own belief system, they’re own connection or disconnection with God, the Universe, the Source, whatever you like to call it. 

I’m a big Alan Watts fan, I read The Taboo Against Knowing Yourself right before this whole pandemic started. I like the idea that we’re all manifestations of God. We’re all fragments, pieces of God experiencing God. A big interconnected Kaleidoscope of life ever unfolding; our eyes are the eyes of God watching the world from a very specific perspective.

Or as Watts says: 

“God is the Self of the world, but you can’t see God for the same reason that, without a mirror, you can’t see your own eyes, and you certainly can’t bite your own teeth or look inside your head. Your self is that cleverly hidden because it is God hiding.” 

So, I suppose I am less worried about my own personal death, knowing that we’re all interconnected elements of God and we shall continue onward regardless of our own specific conscious experiences.

I don’t know, sometimes I hurt my own brain thinking about all of this stuff. I guess I’m just curious if anyone else has been contemplating death, because it seems like most people are doing everything but. But, perhaps it’s one of those Taboos we’re not supposed to talk about. What do you think?  

Before you die you might as well buy yourself a nice toy and have an orgasm or too (I believe an orgasm is also considered a tiny death… or is that a sneeze? Who can keep up? )

Anyway. There’s unbelievable products for men, women, couples etc. And now, FREE SHIPPING at Lelo (and if you buy something with this link I get a little % kicked back to me, so thank you for getting off!)

 

Just Because I’m Sex Positive Does Not Mean I Want to Have Sex With You

What is sex positivity?

Sex Positive and the Dudes Who Need it Most

The other day I was asked a rather rude question.

It is not uncommon I suppose, when you talk about sex and sexuality, it gets people riled up. 

Suddenly they think they can be crass because that is their view of sex. They think they can be dirty because they think sex is dirty. They can be off-putting and rude and awkward because they have never been given the tools to fully grasp who they are wholly (and that includes their own sexuality). 

And, so, I suppose I can’t take that much offense when someone who isn’t emotionally developed asks me a rude question. I can only hope for the best. The best being that they recognize they are being a dick and work on ways to be less of a dick in the future.

Anyhoo. Sexuality is a pretty big element in most people’s lives– even people who abstain– as many have to actively NOT do it etc. Sex is how we all got here (in case you missed that day in Health class). Good ole sperm and egg. 

Sex and Sexual Health

Sexual health makes up one of the many areas of general overall health–other areas include physical health, social health, financial health, emotional health, etc. 

Yet, sexuality comes with a whole host of issues that many of the others do not, for example, many people experience a lot of shame, confusion, mis-information, avoidance, religious propaganda etc. when it comes to sexuality. 

Sex positivity works to help overcome all of that. It’s about positive sexual health, empowered sexuality, sex without shame, sex with respect, consent, boundaries, desires, pleasures, etc. 

One of the issues I run into is that many men think that because I talk about sex I must WANT it ALL of the time and FROM ANYONE. 

In fact, that was what the rude question was all about. A person, who I politely declined a proposition from many many months ago, had the nerve to ask me if I were a [nympho] 

(in brackets because of course he didn’t spell it correctly). 

To be clear, a person can be sex positive and not want to engage in sexual activity with everyone they meet. 

A person can also be sex positive and WANT to engage in sexuality activity with everyone they meet. 

What Does it Mean to Be Sex Positive?

Being sex positive means that you accept and respect your own sexuality and everyone elses around you with openness, honesty, consent, communication, etc. 

To do this we may have to unlearn many of the ideas and concepts that we grew up with; we may have to explore new ideas, ask questions, be curious about what could be instead of making assumptions about where we are or who other people are etc. We also have to learn how to ask better questions, how to be respectful and tactful when we talk about sexuality with those around us. 

Anyhoo. Personally, I have explored many many options and am currently in the process of learning more about myself while being open to a meaningful long-term relationship with someone who actually wants more from me than just SEX. I know, hard to believe, but it’s true. 

Yes, I can still be sexy, yes I can still have desires and fantasies, and get attention from people who think I’m hot, but no, I personally do not plan to bang every Todd, Dick, and Hairy that ask. 

Thank you for asking, but no thank you. 

If you’d like to take me on a date and get to know me (once this quarantine is all over) then you may ask me that and I will let you know one way or the other. 

If you are not interested that is OKAY too, I do not need to know that you are not interested, it makes no difference to me. We all have different tastes, desires, attractions etc. you go after whatever those are to you (consensually of course). 

If you continue to have questions you’re always welcome to hire me as a consultant where I will answer and advise based on my background in sex positivity. 

Good day to you and to all!

P.S.

Why not buy yourself a new toy and continue your sex positive exploration while helping your fellow sex positive blogger get a small % in return for making said recommendation? Cool. Discover Lelo for ultimate pleasure experiences.

5 Ways to Ease Your Sexual Frustration During Quarantine

Sexually Frustrated During Quarantine?

5 Things That Can Help Ease Sexual Frustration

You know, when I moved from Denver to rural Kansas I knew my sex life was going to take a big hit (or lack of hits, I guess haha). But I was unprepared for this sort of quarantine drama. It’s way different when you purposely abstain because you’re looking for something more meaningful or you’re tired of getting pumped and dumped or you’re seeking God or whatever, but to be single and not being able to get laid, makes a person WANT it all the more. Or maybe it’s just me. But I’ve talked to a few people and I’m pretty sure it’s not just me. 

It has gotten a bit out of control, what was once a thought about sex every 25-63 seconds has now gotten up to be hover more around like 7 seconds. And the thoughts are getting weird. Pornhub searches are getting weirder (hear about them on my Patreon); the things, ideas, people I’ve considered humping when this is all over has really gone off the deep end. I even thought that Arnold Schwarzenegger looked good and I have never been into that much muscle. 

In reality, I know that this time will fly by like a wink of an eye, and I understand that springtime brings with it its own extra element of procreational desires–the owls are hooting–the turkeys are gobbling–the bulls are strutting– all the wild life are running around doing it, tis the season. 

So, what do you do if you’re sexually frustrated and in quarantine? What if you can’t wank off or you’ve wanked off so much you’re starting to cause physical damage? Or it’s just become so boring yet the energy hasn’t gone away? Well, you’re in luck. I’ve put together a list:

5 things to Do with Your Pent Up Sexual Energy

  1. Sit and Don’t Think About What You’ve Done

Aka meditate. I know, at first it sounds counter-intuitive, if you’re having wild sex thoughts, craving sex, getting turned on by the craziest people, ideas, things, etc. that sitting around doing nothing about it would be the worst idea ever. But, running away from the issue isn’t going to help either. The concept is to turn into the craving, not necessarily succumb to it, but feel the feeling of it and recognize it as just that, a feeling. And like every other feeling, let it pass by like a cloud in the blue blue sky. 

  1. Move it or Lose It aka Workout

You must let that energy escape somehow. Start with a few jumping jacks, maybe some sit ups, follow-up with a couple of pushups (if your boner doesn’t get in the way). Or go for a long run. Move your body. Move it until you can’t move it anymore if you must. Sweat it out. Do it. Just do it. Oh. yeah. 

  1. Take Cold Showers Every Day

And blow my life away on a dream that won’t come true. (Anyone else a Grease fan?). This one is pretty self-explanatory. Cool off. Or turn up the heat and take care of business again. It may be one of the few places you have privacy (if you live with other people). It will at least give you something to do and ease the smell of living that one pair of gnarly sweatpants you own. 

  1. Play With It

Still sexually frustrated but also bored? There’s never been a better time to bring out your sex toys — or get yourself a new one. I have plenty of articles on the best ones out there, like The Best Sex Toys or Men, Best Sex Toys for Couples, or Best Sex Toys For Any Budget etc. Check out Lelo for some of the best high quality toys around–and change up your typical wank off routine (for women, men, couples and everyone in between). 

  1. Make it or Break It

Most importantly, the best thing to do with your pent up sexual energy is create. Your sexual center and your creativity center are interconnected so if you’re struggling in one area, give attention to the other and you might find a solution. Creating doesn’t have to be for anyone but yourself–whether you decide to write a song or a story or a poem, paint or draw, dance around the room, play music, bake bread (like everyone else seems to be doing)– cover your entire body in googly eyes and walk around the neighborhood spying on everyone– whatever you do, do it for you. It’s all about expressing a part of yourself to yourself–don’t worry what anyone else will think of it. 

So there you have it. 5 ways to make it through this quarantine a little less sexually frustrated. If you have any other ideas please feel free to leave them in the comments below. 

If you need help finding the perfect sex toy for you feel free to send me an email or drop me a message in Instagram.

Also, follow my Patreon for video diaries, pics you won’t see anywhere else, DMs gone wrong and so much more.